I just greeted my friend and told her that we never got to meet up and it’s already 2026. I’ve been wanting to meet up with her and catch up on our lives, but that never happened in 2025. But now, I am suddenly questioning myself about whether I really want to meet up with her or if I just wanted a friend to meet up with and she’s my only choice. Because I don’t have friends. At least none who are still living in my hometown. The last time I talked to her was when she called via Facebook Messenger after I said something about hitting rock bottom via Messenger. Instead of feeling relieved after she talked to me, I felt weird. I felt like she didn’t listen. I felt like she just made me feel that I wasn’t doing my best and that is why I hit rock bottom. Now that I recall that long phone call with her, I realize I don’t want to talk to her again about any of my struggles. That I’m not comfortable with her anymore. That I am scared that when we meet up, I’ll just get offended. That she’s not really someone I like talking to when it comes to my struggles, and she’s more like a friend you talk to when you’re successful in life. That being said, I don’t want to meet up with her anymore. Not when I’m unstable.
What is it with people who have this assumption mentality, saying things like, “If I can do it, you can do it?” What the hell is up with that? That is the thing I hate hearing the most when I need some comfort. People with that mentality assume that everyone has the same resources, the same mental health, the same support system, the same timing, energy, and responsibilities. It’s like they are saying, “My experience equals universal experience,” which, for me, is a lack of perspective.
It’s survivor bias. They succeeded, so they believe success is purely about effort and forget how unfair life can be. They ignore a lot of factors that can affect someone’s success, like luck, circumstances, and unseen struggles. That people who tried just as hard can still fail. They just think, “I did it, therefore anyone can,” which, for me, is quite stupid, really.
I hate it when people do the motivational shortcut. Instead of listening, understanding, or offering practical help, they use a cliché to feel encouraging, to feel wise, and to feel superior, which they might do unconsciously but intentionally. When someone tells me, “If I can do it, you can do it,” that’s not the words I hear. What I hear is, “Your struggle isn’t special,” “If you can’t do it, that’s on you,” “Your limits are excuses.” It feels so irritating and dismisses the fact that I am not the same as anyone else. We are all unique and different in so many ways, and we all have different struggles in life.
These types of people not only have an assumption mentality but also a performance-based mindset. They often believe that worth equals productivity or achievement. So they think motivation should work like a switch you can flip if you just try hard enough.
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