So yeah, I put a mood indicator thingie on my contents page. It’s kinda funny because for some reason I keep clicking on the wrong mood!!
For instance, this morning I was going to indicate that my mood is currently “lonely”, and I was sure that that was the mood that I clicked on….and then I got “longing” instead.
But guess what??
That mood fits me better right now.
Sure, I am lonely….in the sense that I am alone. In all actuality, I’m pretty happy with that. I’m happy to be with myself. There shouldn’t be a sad face next to that “lonely” word. Even when I’m in a relationship with someone who I’m very close to (like the spending-every-night-together kind of relationship), I cherish the times when I’m alone. It’s like a battery recharger.
It’s the “longing” part that is sooooo fitting right now. It’s the fact that there are things that I want in my life that I don’t have right now. I long for my lover (LDL? Someone else?). I long for a meaningful relationship with someone I can physically touch when I need to, yet someone who will happily let me have my alone time. I long for a knowing smile, a laugh, an inside joke, a tickle, a pinch, a backrub, a conversation while looking into each other’s eyes. Hell, even an argument.
I miss LDL. Why did he leave me? Was it for the best? It had to be for the best. Yeah, I miss him. But I don’t think I was a very good person when we were physically together. I don’t think we brought out the best in each other. And that’s all I was striving for with him.
I long for that.
I need to get ready for work now.
Until later…
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