10. When asked out, agree to go to his holiday party, even though you barely know him and won’t know a soul at the party.
9. Wear something that is incredibly beautiful but makes you a bit self conscious because of the way it hugs your hips and tattles on you for not keeping up with your strict workout regimen.
8. Let yourself become very intimidated by his handsomeness and beautifully sculpted, very athletic body. Use it as an excuse to assume he’s a cocky asshole gym rat who only goes for bubbly blondes with fake boobs and fake tans and wonder why he even asked you out.
7. Take advantage of his thoughtful offering of going to get a drink before you go to the party by gulping down two vodka and sodas to his one whateveritwas, causing you to be late.
6. As soon as you get to the party, start chugging Merlot hand over fist.
5. Flirt mercilessly with the roving magician who is going from table to table. Make sure to stop him and request “tricks” each and every time you see him by saying, “Show me what you got!”
4. Notice all the guys are sneaking peeks of the college football playoffs on the TV in the bar area, and when he goes to check on the score, decide to root for the opposing team of his alma mater…just because.
3. When the party is over and he takes you to a bar afterwards to hang out with another cool couple, suggest tequila shots as soon as you sit down.
2. When he takes your drunk ass home and comes inside for a goodnight kiss, critique his kissing skills and demonstrate how you’d really like to be kissed by practically crawling onto his lap and slobbering all over him.
1. Forget how it ended. Just completely blank it out. Did he say he would call? Was he pissed? Amused? Offended? What did you say? What else did you do? Was he drunk himself? Was he going to be okay driving home? Spend all day Sunday trying to recall the events of the night before and just let it eat away at you.
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