So where was I before all the OD+ trauma? Oh yeah. Drunk as a skunk. Here’s what else I remember:
Foggily hanging out with “guy” from the end of the last entry until the bar booted us.
Guy walking me those freezing four blocks to my car, only to have me realize that I didn’t have my keys!!
Guy walking those freezing four blocks back to the bar with me. One would have thought that walking eight blocks in the freezing cold would have sobered me up. Nope.
Banging on the doors of the already-closed bar. Someone finally let us in so that I could see if my keys were there. Nope.
Freaking out.
Getting in Guy’s car. Guy saying something about taking me to a hotel.
More freaking out.
A phone call from Mark. What? He was “concerned” and feeling badly about our dinner. I told him about my keyless situation, and drunkenly asked if “we” could stay at his place. WHAT? Did I really ask that??!! Must have, because before I knew it, Guy was on the phone with Mark getting directions to his place….this is where it gets REALLY confusing!
Guy and I arrive at Mark’s. I immediately fall asleep. Suddenly, I realize that I’m now in Mark’s bed with Guy. I can feel Guy kissing me. I can feel his hands on me. I tell him to stop and fall back to sleep.
Mark shaking me awake. Wondering what had just happened. Guy had left and forgotten his coat and had called Mark so he could come back up and get it. Mark wanting to know what was going on. Me, clueless and wasted….suddenly shuddering to consciousness. WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON??! But eventually falling back to sleep.
Waking up several hours later with that feeling. You know the one. That dreaded “morning after” feeling when you know that you’ve forgotten most of the night but you start to piece things together. Realizing that I’d lost my keys and passed out at Mark’s with a total stranger. * shudder *
Look at mobile phone. Oh my God. Seven messages from THEO!! SEVEN!!!! I listened one by one. Cringing with each message. Theo had tried to meet me not once, but twice. The first time, he couldn’t find a parking spot. He’d called right before midnight. Right AT midnight. Right after midnight. Several messages later, he said in his sweet voice, “Y’know, I forgot to wish you a Happy New Year…” With each message, his voice sounded more concerned. Could I feel any shittier? I don’t think so. Not in a million years.
Immediately calling Theo. My lame excuse was that I’d had a traumatic night and lost my keys and that my “friend” Mark had let me stay at his place. Mark sitting there silently. Theo sounding relieved. Me feeling like a heel.
Mark utterly and completely taking care of me. Giving me clothes. Driving me to Becca’s to get my spare housekey. Driving me home so that I could get my spare car key. Waiting for me to take a sobering shower. Driving me back to the bar to see if anyone had found my keys. Walking the nightmarish four blocks with me so that we could retrace my steps and see if my keys were anywhere on the ground. Going to lunch with me because I wanted the company. Taking my hand and holding it when I’d hang my head in hungover shame, all the while apologizing over and over and over. Pathetic, I know. I don’t deserve someone so sweet.
Going home and crashing. Hard. Into a deathlike coma.
So those are the sloppy, gory details of my New Year’s Eve 2002. I’d just as soon have a do-over and start the whole year again. But I don’t and I can’t and that’s just the way it is.
I gotta move on from here.
And that’s what prompted me to really start taking a look at my destructive behavior. I mean, come on. I am no longer a college student experimenting by mixing beer bongs with tequila poppers. Had I not lost my keys, I would have driven my drunk butt home. That’s become a pattern for me. Remember that bartender calling me at 4am after the Halloween party because I was so drunk he didn’t think I could make it home? I was telling myself to slow down even back then.
And what’s with this random Guy? Who the hell was he and why did stay with me at Mark’s? Why didn’t he just drop me off and leave? What the hell had I said to him on the dance floor of the bar? I honestly don’t want to keep forgetting large chunks of conversations anymore. And especially large chunks of time. Just not good. Dangerous, even. I am an idiot.
And I just thank my lucky stars that Theo is such a wonderful, beautiful man. He called me late in the afternoon on New Year’s Day to check on my whole key situation and to see how I was feeling. I told him that I was so incredibly sorry for ruining his New Year’s Eve. I promised that I would make it up to him. He sweetly agreed.
We ended up meeting for coffee that evening. My head still hanging quite low.
And as for Mark, he’s still calling and e-mailing and I’m so embarrassed about the whole stupid ordeal that I wish he’d just go away.
Go away…
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