*Ding-A-Ling* (part three) in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

So there I was, sitting at the very front of the stage, flanked by two men. Two men I was trying to make a good impression in front of, by the way. But how is a girl supposed to make a good impression when there are topless women swarming about? I had a feeling I knew what these guys were up to, and it was pretty obvious they were ready to blow big bucks there.

I decided to play along and ride it out. Now. I will say this: I’d been to strip joints before, but I’d never ever had a lap dance. Not sooner had we gotten our first drinks down, the shot girl came over and George bought me a shot. The shot came with a lap dance, and we were off and running!

The rest of the evening was spent with various women sliding up and down my body, shaking their breasts in my face, and pouring shots down my throat. I kid you not. At one point I wondered if Jeff and I were ever going to get to talk, but I realized quickly that it was just not going to happen. We were all too wasted. Jeff did ask me one question, but it was hard to talk face to face because there was a woman constantly in between us.

I was having a blast! But here’s where it gets a little outrageous. Jeff took a liking to one of the girls and asked her to stay with us and dance for us both. At some point in time, George left the scene. It’s all quite blurry from that point on. Jeff told the girl (who was such a little darling, from the Czech Republic) that we were getting married!!

Oh boy. Did that open up some issues right there.

First of all, let me say that Jeff is without a doubt the hottest man at my company. There are now over 4000 people who work in my office (yes, huge), and not only is he far and away the most gorgeous (should be a damn underwear model), but he is probably the most talked-about and up-and-coming. At 35, he was hired away from a well-known NY design company where he held a top slot. He is being paid top dollar at my company to turn a HUGE portion of the business that is already doing well and make it even better. We’re talking billions, with a B.

So he is very, very important.

Not only that, but he’s also already very, very married. I’ve been to dinner with them both. She is pretty awesome. I like her a lot.

So why did he put me in this predicament? He had this girl dancing between us, telling her that we’re getting married while we’re in Vegas. So the dancer starts giving us couple’s counseling!! Telling him that because we are a couple, that he should give me some attention and vice versa!! So she’d take his hands and pull them over to me and brush them down my body, and do the same with me!!

He’d ask her over and over, “Isn’t she pretty?” Looking at me with those incredible eyes.

She’d answer, “Yes, you two are a beautiful couple.”

This is my diary, so I’m going to be completely honest here….I enjoyed the hell out of it. I loved it so much. It was during this “counseling session” that I ran my fingers down the most incredible six-pack of abs. Oh Lordy. We were in BIG trouble.

Next, he got the brilliant idea to do tequila shots. Not only that, he wanted to do body shots.

[gulp]

Multiple.

As I sat in his lap, doing body shot after body shot (I seriously have no idea how many) with girls just swarming around caressing us both and running fingers through my hair, our little Czech girl told us that she wanted to see us kiss for real. Not just grab the lime out of each other’s mouths as we were doing with the body shots.

We looked at each other.

[pause]

And then we kissed.

Shit.

Big. Big. Trouble.

What the hell were we doing? The last series of body shots that I remember were the sexiest of all. I did one off of his rock-hard stomach, and he did one off of my left breast.

How the hell did we not get kicked out of there??? I think it was by the sheer fact that we had so many girls surrounding us that the management couldn’t see what was going on.

I don’t remember leaving. I don’t remember the cab ride home. I’m not quite sure how I made it back into my room and into bed.

The next thing I do remember is the phone ringing at 8:00 in the morning. It was Bob asking me if I was ready to meet him downstairs!!

[[[[SHHHHIIIIIT!!!!!!!]]]]

My stomach didn’t even have time to get a word in edgewise this time! I needed to get my ass ready, packed, and checked out before 8:30!

I made it. Barely. Poor Bob. I’m sure he felt like a damn babysitter at that point! We grabbed a cab to the convention center because there was no way we could make it on the shuttle.

I was still trying to piece the night’s events together in my mind when I realized I’d blown off SO MANY PEOPLE by not showing up at the Circle Bar at the Hardrock the night before—including My Future Husband!

What a dumbass I am.

Made it to the show, and sat through a couple of meetings, but I was seriously dragging ass. Bob and I had decided earlier to meet at 1:00 so that we could try to take an earlier flight home.

At around 11:30, my mobile phone rang, and it was Pamela, a girl who works for Jeff. I wasn’t quite sure why she was calling, and then she said, “You have Jeff’s phone, and he’s freaking out!!”

Apparently, he’d put his phone in my purse for safekeeping at some point during our little lapdance episode! She told me that he’d been trying to call me for hours now. I told her to have him meet me at 1:00 at the baggage check area, so that I could get to my purse (I’d thrown everything in my suitcase in such a hurry that morning) which was packed in my suitcase. Bob had the ticket to the baggage check, so I couldn’t get to it right away.

I sat through my last meeting silently freaking out. Wondering what was going to happen when I saw Jeff. Wondering if I blew my chances at a job. Wondering if my stomach was going to finally blow.

At 1:00, I started to walk towards the baggage check area. I saw a glimpse of Jeff. As I walked up, we smiled sheepishly at each other. He told me that he’d tried to call me several times the night before after he dropped me off at the hotel (he was staying at a different hotel—THANK GOD!!), and I never even answered the phone. Well, I never heard the phone ring! Luckily, he was very cool about the whole thing.

He started checking his messages as Bob and I were walking out the door to head for the airport. I silently wondered if his wife had tried to call him while I unknowingly had possession of the phone. I heard him laughing. I turned around as he called out to tell me that George had left a message saying he’d missed his plane!! We were such idiots!

In the cab, I told Bob what had happened the night before. I told him that I’d missed my chances with my Future Husband. I pretty much told him everything. Except the part about the kissing. Bob just laughed and shook his head.

“Viva Las Vegas,” he said.