Back home in my own little apartment on my own happy little computer. And as of 3:30 this morning, even my luggage was back!! Back at work and back into the grind today. Very anticlimactic and almost depressing. The only good thing about today was that Boss took the day off. Aaah. 24 hours without Boss, the Super Freak.
I swear, only Boss could make such a great trip so miserable at times. She forced us to follow her around like baby chicks following the big, fat mamma chicken. She waddled down the boulevards pointing this way and that, pausing to stop at each and every bonbon and pastry shop.
I suppose I should explain a little. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but part of my job is to “shop the market” to spot trends and purchase items that will translate well for my company’s customer. Normally, I just travel the US, going to large markets such as New York, Miami, and San Francisco. Finally, after almost six years with the company, I got to shop the European fashion centers. Finally! I’d been working myself up to this for six long years.
But shopping the market with Boss is a little different than shopping with a normal person. You see, Boss is a Super Freak. Boss had to make sure that we all stay together and not venture out on our own and make wrong decisions. Boss had to make sure that she led the group. Literally. As we were out, scouring each town, Boss had to make sure that we made little side stops at places she was interested in (read: food—candy, pastries, tea shops, etc .food has nothing to do with what we were researching!).
Boss also had to make sure that she had the final say in everything that we purchased. She hated everything I touched. I’m not exaggerating. Hated. And I felt obligated to “like” everything that she liked. So. There you go. I second-guessed every single decision or non-decision. I stressed over extremely subtle shades of color. I worked myself into a sweat every time I fixed my eyeballs on something!
And Boss is embarrassing. Epitome of ugly American. Can you believe that before we left on this trip, she sent an e-mail making strong suggestions about our wardrobe. What we should wear while shopping. Like we couldn’t figure out that we would be in some of the most elite fashion houses in the world, and that we needed to take that into consideration when we packed.
You should have seen her! Mousy and frumpy and large. The same blue turtleneck, the same black blazer, the same black stretch pants, the same frumpalicious flats, the same mussed, brown hair fixed with a headband every day. Mind you, I had a sort of uniform myself: a layered mix of comfortable black pieces, complete with flared black coat and fur scarf with matching fur-trimmed gloves. But at least people didn’t greet me with “hello” as they did her, knowing that she was American. I picked up a few (a very few!) words that could at least get me past a greeting in both French and Italian. Boss wouldn’t even look up when greeted.
And again, I’m not saying I’m perfect here. I did make a few “American” mistakes when ordering at restaurants and things. But at least I played if off with a shrug of the shoulders and a please-forgive-my-ignorance smile. That worked every time—even though Boss accused me of flirting when I’d do that and she’d roll her eyes in disgust.
Boss wanted almost all of our free time. I will give her credit here. I know she was only trying to be nice by offering to escort us to dinner every night. She was only trying to be nice by attempting to translate each and every menu (even though she was wrong 80% of the time). She was only trying to be nice by telling us where to go and what to do and when to wipe our asses.
But dammit. I wanted just a little bit of Boss-free time. Bob and Ass Kisser did too. Any time that she turned her back, we tried to plot and plan ways that we could get away from her. We felt like sneaky school kids!!
And we actually managed to do this a couple of times. She got sick in Paris. It turned out to be my most favorite day in Paris!! The weather was wonderful, and we got most of our work done between checking in on Boss several times. After the last time that I went up to Boss’s room with some food and water (which we’d all stressed about so that we didn’t upset Boss with the wrong thing!), we went back out to finish up some things.
Ass Kisser went on his merry way, and Bob and I ended up sitting at an outdoor café, soaking up the sun and sipping a carafe of wine at the Tuilleries Gardens. And late that afternoon, we took it one step further by sneaking off to the Eiffel Tower at sunset and going to the top and taking photos as the sun went down over Paris (Bob is also a great photographer). And even that night, instead of going out to dinner, Bob and I went to a corner market and bought cheese and crackers and an incredibly cheap, and fantastically delicious bottle of Bordeaux and went up to Bob’s room for a great little picnic!! It was marvelous. It was one of those times where we told ourselves that we’d have to remember that afternoon whenever we felt the heavy hand of Boss pressing down on us.
The other time we snuck away for fun was our last night on the trip. We were in Milan, and it was Saturday night. After following Boss around all day Saturday, she asked us where we should all go to dinner. Bob, Ass Kisser and I told Boss that because we all needed to pack and get ourselves ready for the early, early flight in the morning (we were supposed to meet in the lobby of the hotel at 4:30am!), we should all do our own thing to get ourselves ready. Boss rolled her eyes and reluctantly agreed. She told us to all order room service for dinner.
Not for Bob and me! We debated, and decided to go to a little spot we’d seen the night before (oh yeah, when we’d slipped away to the disco .but Boss knew about that time). The place was called 10 Corso Como, and it was one of the coolest places I’ve ever been! All through dinner, we laughed as though we were truly pulling the wool over Boss’s eyes for finding this great place without her! Seriously, it rocked. In my deliriously happy state, I ended up drinking too much wine and I even smoked a cigarette [gasp], which made me woozy and have to excuse myself. I got sick in the ladies’ room, which made the night all the much more sneaky-feeling!! We were back at the hotel with an hour and a half to spare before having to meet Boss in the lobby!!
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