O.O.T. in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Could it possibly really be this bad? I can’t believe how quickly some things get screwed up. I pray that I can get the “good things” ball rolling just as quickly. My unhappiness is visible. Not only that, I have a tendency to blab on and on when I’m really upset about something. I get nervous, and turn into a chattermouth. I wish I’d just shut up and channel all of that nervous energy into getting my ass into a new situation. Nobody wants to hear a complainer. Most of the time, I don’t really even want to write it down here. But this should be the place to do it. I’d much rather get it all out here than to have everyone know how upset, nervous and scared I am out there in the real world.

So. From now on, it’s Operation Outta There! Nose to the grindstone. Get the job done, and get out. No more sitting around fretting. No more frantically running in circles. No more letting every little crooked smirk from Big Boss and Mr. Peepers (my new boss looks like Mr. Peepers from SNL!) turn me into a blubbering idiot.

Plus, there really is a world outside of my job. I’ve gotten pathetic with the no-life-havin’ situation. I put my profile back on the internet dating site. Again, I fear the jinx…but I’ve fixed myself up for Thursday evening with an incredibly fascinating character. I say “character” because it’s the only term I know to use. This guy is an enigma. I can’t wait to meet him so I can just see him in the flesh.

Am I being cryptic again? Good. Thing is, this guy is semi-famous. It was waaaaay easy to do a little internet sleuthing. There’s just tons of stuff online about him, his projects, his life, etc. If nothing else, he is a self-made man…chock full of creativity, drive, talent, ambition, and a whole lotta chutzpah. I’d heard about him before, but never really knew his story until we started e-mailing and I revved up the search engines! I’m inspired, and I haven’t even talked to him on the phone yet!

So there. If that isn’t a set-up for a jinx, I don’t know what is. But I’m not deleting that section from this entry, because right now it seems like the only thing I’ve got going on that isn’t depressing and all about work.

Please just let me keep a little something to fantasize about!