Bleh. Haven’t been able to catch up on too many of my favorites.
I’m really starting to freak about the work situation and it’s kinda put me into scare mode at this point. What’s it gonna take for me to get 100% serious? You’d think that this would: Guy comes up to me in the hallway and wants to ask me a question. Sure, I tell him. He asks about my move to another area at work. Um, no I haven’t been moved, why? Because, he tells me, a friend of his from outside the company is interviewing for a job that sounds exactly like mine!!!!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuckety-fuck. What the fuck?!
Yeah, so if it was a neon sign a few weeks ago, what is it now?! A sledgehammer upside my head! That’s what it is. I gotta get out..I gotta get out
But I’ve been paralyzed by something. Fear? What?
Seems I’d rather drink and kiss boys all night than search for a new job. Escapism. Gotta love it.
This morning, I buckled down a little bit. Big Boss and Peepers are both out of the office. I e-mailed a few resumes. I’d started doing it here and there over the last few months, but obviously haven’t been very serious about it. Got a call from one headhunter today who had a couple of bites, but nothing that’s a match for me.
I’ve also started putting the word out with some of my vendors. They all told me that they’d be on the lookout. Bits and pieces are just starting to make it back to me.
I’m scared, but I really must get this ball rolling.
I guess the reason I’m scared is that I’m pretty darn sure that I will have to move. It shouldn’t scare me that much. I really should make a move from this slimy town. I mean really. What do I have here? My best friend moved away a year and a half ago. I don’t have a significant other. Hell, I don’t even have a lover!
This town is horrible for singles. Too many gold-digging sluts with fake tits that are too willing to just give it to the first guy who flashes a dollar. Too many guys with a dollar willing to pay for fake-tittied sluts. It’s a vicious cycle here. And I can’t fucking compete and I don’t think I even want to. But that’s what’s out there, and I’m thrown into that pool every time I go out, and I’m just sick of it.
My parents live close by, but I only see them maybe once a month tops. Even my mom who likes the fact that we’re close told me to get the hell out.
EEHHGGHGH! Time to go!
So. There. It’s in writing. Yeah, I know. It’s been in writing before. I’ve gotten out there before. But I was scared then, too. And my motivating factor wasn’t quite the same. A year ago, it was a nice thought to find a new job and move somewhere else, possibly close to LDL. Sure, it would be great to move on with my career and la, la, la happy, happy, happy!
But my gut told me not to go (not exactly sure why), and then I got my promotion and my big, FAT raise. Yep. That kept me around for a while.
Today, it’s driven by necessity. Definitely a motivating factor! If I don’t get myself out, someone else will. And it won’t be la, la, la happy, happy, happy. That’s for sure.
So that’s my work update for the day.
On to the other stuff that keeps my brain occupied!
Devin called me Tuesday evening. Told me he was getting sick. Thought it might be strep throat! Yikes! Told me if I got sick that he would get me some antibiotics. Gee thanks, doc! I told him to get some rest and feel better.
I called him last night to make sure that he was okay. Sounded like shit. But I think I woke him up. Then he told me that he didn’t think that he was going to make it to the photography exhibit that I’d asked him to go to tonight. Oops. I’d completely forgotten that I’d even asked him to go! Wow. Good thing I didn’t ask Ethan to go with me!
Ethan has called me every night this week. He’s starting to become real to me, and it’s actually a bit of a relief. I think I’m beginning to understand why I felt as though I was rambling on and on and on with him on all of our dates. It’s hard to get him to talk! Many times I feel as if it’s a one-sided conversation. Funny thing he’ll start a topic and expect me to pick up the ball and run with it. When he does actually have a story for me, it’s sort of like I’m prying it out of him. But when he finally cuts loose with something .it’s wonderful! So full of detail and emotion. * sigh * Rockstars. What do you do with ’em?
So tonight I’m going to the photography exhibit with my friend Eddie and his cousin (whom I’ve never met). Eddie and I have been trying to have a get-together for months.
I got the invitation to this exhibit from Becca, who had forwarded it to me from another girl, Kim. Becca and I haven’t been hanging out lately. I just could never get back into the groove with her after LDL managed to cause a rift. We both tried (a little. Well, she more than I), but I always felt that bit of uncomfortableness and found it easier just to let it slowly fade. Sad? I guess. A little.
Anyway, I felt uneasy asking Becca if I could go with her, and Eddie and I had made tentative plans weeks ago, so I just decided to ask Eddie to go. I’ll see Becca and all the others there. Should be interesting. Hopefully not awkward.
And one other thing that’s been weighing heavily on my mind that I really don’t feel like getting too deep into right now (because it so traumatic): my damn teeth!! I’m sure I’ll report about it later. I just don’t feel like telling the story of the disaster that is my mouth right now. Sure, everything looks beautiful on the outside. But it’s just a façade. Literally. Cosmetic dentistry sucks.
At least my boobs are real.
That’s all she wrote for now.
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