So I’ve seen this format before (see: Poppyseed), but I really did have this conversation with myself this morning as I was getting myself ready for work (I think we’ve lost it):
Body: Pssst. Hey.
Me: Wha?
Body: Over here, look in the mirror.
Me: Oh. You again. What’s up now? We usually don’t speak unless you’re really pissed at me. And when you’re angry, we don’t really speak anyway. You yell at me, and I usually respond by either breaking out in a rash, passing out or vomiting.
Body: Well. I think it’s time that we start communicating with one another, don’t you think?
Me: What? You mean communicating differently than the way we normally do? You know, the way I usually do something that I think is really fun and exciting, and you make me pay for it in a really nasty way?
Body: Yes. That’s exactly what I mean. I think it’s time that you and I start to build a healthy relationship.
Me: Oh great. Healthy. Hm. There goes all my fun.
Body: Now, now. Before you get all bummed out, I think that there are some compromises that we can make that will make us both happy. Not only that, I think that they will make you feel better, and make me look better and we’ll both win.
Me: I’m listening
Body: Okay. Well, you know what really got me thinking about all this, don’t you.
Me: What.
Body: A combination of a lot of things, but I think that the kicker was the water.
Me: Huh?
Body: Well. It’s like this. I’ve let you torture me for so long now that I’ve gotten used to the alcohol and the bad food and the junk and the sporadic exercise and all that (oh, and don’t think I forgot about the cigarette you snuck the other night while you were getting ripped with Eddie, mmmhmmm.).
Me: Shit.
Body: Yeah. Anyway. Remember when you started feeling sickly over the weekend? And you had a funny feeling that you might just be getting a urinary tract infection? I won’t even get into why, I think that’s a whole other discussion. But you see where I’m going?
Me: [sheepishly] yeah?
Body: So you started trying to wash it right out of your system by drinking bucketfulls of water and cranberry juice?
Me: [hanging head] yeah?
Body: And it made you feel better, didn’t it? In fact, not only did the fact that you flushed me out with water make you feel better, we both noticed a difference in other things, didn’t we?? Didn’t we?!
Me: [looking up] You’re right! Y’know my skin is starting to glow again! The “stress bumps” seem to be clearing up!
Body: That’s right! Look at you! Look at us! Just by making this adjustment for a couple of days, we can see a big improvement! Just imagine what we could do if we really worked at it!
Me: Okay Bod, don’t get ahead of yourself.
Body: I know, I know. But you do see what I’m saying, don’t you? I know you’re not going to completely give up drinking, late-night partying, eating like crap, and such. But notice that you’ve had two really good nights of sleep and don’t you feel better? I know you look better, that’s for sure. And just think what would happen if you got back into your workout schedule. Imagine the possibilities!!
Me: Hmmm.. Yeah we could rock, couldn’t we?
Body: Yep. We could seriously rock!
Me: Okay, but you gotta help me.
Body: How? I’m really only the reaction part. You’re the one who’s gotta get my butt to the gym or out on the bike, and you’re the one who’s shoving the food in my mouth, and you’re the one pouring very dirty martinis down my hatch. I’m the one that gets the shit end of the stick (no pun intended)!
Me: Yeah, but you’re the one who mentioned a compromise. Isn’t this a you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours situation (I’m not sure if the pun is intended there or not).
Body: So what do you want?
Me: Just show me a positive reaction, and I’ll try to keep doing what I should be doing. Deal?
Body: Deal. But just remember. Positive actions will get positive results. You already know the consequences of the other stuff.
Me: I know, I know. It will be my own fault if I turn you into a heap of goo.
Body: That’s why I kick your ass when you try to do that. But I’m only gonna do it for so long. It’s a little thing called tolerance. We are already in a slightly abusive relationship, my friend.
Me: Yeah, but communication is good, right?
Body: Yes, but actions speak louder than words.
Me: Mmm. Hmm.. Especially since I’m talking to myself right now!
Body: Well, we should get going anyway or we’ll be late for work.
Me: Okay just one more spritz of spray
Body: You look wonderful.
Me: * kiss *
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