Heres a partial list of some of the less brilliant things Ive done while drunk. Just so that I can have something to look back at when I crave a nasty drinking binge:
Pierced my own ears (3rd time)
Got my belly button pierced at the agreement that if LDL would buy me another beer, Id get my navel poked with a gigantic curved needle (it took a year to heal and migrated so its slightly off center). Aah, scarification at its finest.
Got the gigantic tattoo on my lower back (seriously, its huge).
Peed my pants in that elevator in Belgium (vator was too slow!)
Licked all over married Jeff in Vegas after he licked all over me (body shots)!
Locked myself in a bathroom and passed out.
Blew that guy in the back seat of a car after an all-day music festival while his friend drove us home all the while watching in the rearview mirror.
Snuck into the dorms at the Air Force Academy and made out with a guy in a vacant room (or was that a broom closet?)
Got a tooth knocked out by a beer bottle on the dance floor of a bar in Hong Kong. Then superglued it back in!
Had to be literally carried home and placed on my dorm elevator and had my floor button pressed after a first date in college.
Had to pull over to barf in a dumpster while driving to work one morning (embarrassingly recent event).
Made nicey-nicey with a famous professional football player who bought me tequila shots and then sent me to the stage of a karaoke bar, only to be booted off for messing up and yelling, SHIT!
Got booted off another karoke stage for making up my own words to the song (including several words beginning with f).
Was publicly humiliated by an incredibly handsome guy at a bar, whom Id just gotten enough liquid courage to approach, and immediately started crying like a baby on my friend Erics shoulder. I was inconsolable for hours. Good thing Eric was such a sweetheart (even though he still tried to get in my pants).
Lost my panties at a fraternity house.
Left a girlfriend at a party because she didnt want to go see a band that I wanted to see. I walked over to the bar without her. She got worried about me because I wasnt home at 5am, so she called the cops. Was she ever pissed when I came home laughing and stinking drunk.
Was dancing and jumping around in front of a band (not the same one) at a party and noticed the guitar player looking and smiling at me, so I smiled my biggest, flirtiest smile back. What I didnt notice was that my strapless dress was now around my waist!
Was caught half naked in the hallway of a the hotel where we were partying with the guitar player (yes, the same one).
Threw myself into a mosh pit in college (only back in those days it was called slam dancing) to piss off a boyfriend who told me that it was too dangerous
Needed my pissed-off boyfriends help to get back out!
Got pulled over by not one, but two cops because my radio was blasting and I wasnt paying attention to my surroundings and didnt notice the sirens and the flashing lights until I was turning into my apartment complex!! Had to take a roadside sobriety test in front of about 50 people who were all sitting around by the pool! They were yelling and screaming, Let her go! Let her gooooo!! Amazingly
by the grace of
.something
the cop told me that I passed the test and let me off with a speeding ticket!!
Introduced a big wig from work as My Dad to someone while on a business trip. Biiiiiigg mistake. No wonder I cant get promoted anymore.
Drank so many shots one night that I finally told my boyfriend that I literally couldnt take any more. At his cajoling, I tried to squeeze one more Jagermeister in. Didnt work. Instantly came back up and out onto the floor of the bar. I overheard a guy in the background turn to his buddy and say, Yep. Shes full.
Three words: Boo. Tay. Calls.
Have crashed in various inconvenient places time and time again.
Had whole conversations that I know nothing about.
Started many a meaningless fight.
Gotten myself into a couple of kinda assault situations. One so bad my cop-calling friend called the cops again. Yeah, serious. Pure idiocy at work right there.
Hit that womans car (even worse, because someone else could have been hurt because of my stupidity).
and theres more. So many more. I just cant remember them.
Loading comments...