I’m a Good Girl, I Am! in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Aah. Now that I’ve gotten all of that crap out of my system. I suppose I should update on what’s going on in my life. Let’s see…one whole week of NOT getting myself into trouble. *Yawn*

Actually, it’s been nice. I’ve felt a lot less drained and pressed for time. I’m sure I look better. I know I feel a little better. Still working on getting my life together. Still procrastinating on the job thing. No question, I must do better.

Yeah. Work is still sucking hairy balls. Yesterday was one of the worst days. You know, as a band-aid to my current situation, I’d been trying to move to another area within the company. I’d talked to several people about opportunities, and I even got some connections worked out in two different areas with interview possibilities and everything.

But then one of my secret spies called me yesterday to share some bad news that he felt is important for me to know (he’s a good friend of the big, big head of my division)…

I’m blacklisted. Untouchable. Unpromotable. Unmovable.

It appears that Big Boss has caught wind of my sniffing around for other positions, and will not allow me to move out of the area. I know exactly what she’s doing. She’s going to wait until I get Mr. Peepers up to speed (which will be after all the choice positions are filled), and then probably move me to a really shitty area that I will hate enough to finally call it quits.

And you know what? That’s fine if she wants to play that power game. I know that’s what she thrives on. But I know it’s up to me to rectify the situation.

Ugh. She was in one of her raging c*nt moods yesterday. And that turns Peepers into a total man-bitch, and they were both riding my ass up one way and back down the other. And I will admit…I let it get to me. I’m so ineffective when I’m rattled and shaken up. But that’s exactly what they want. And I know that business (and life) is not about being nicey-nicey. And I know that I must deal with this. And I know that I’ve not been effective. And I know it’s high time for change.

It’s so not me to turn around and be a c*nt back. That’s not the way I work. I know that there are work environments where I can be strong and not have to be a bitch. I’ve been there before. I know that I’ve been effective before. I’m angry at myself for backing down and letting this personality clash get to me like it has. But it is what it is. It’s become a fucked-up nightmare, and I must deal. And I must change a bad situation.

Obviously, I’m still terrified. But dammit. It’s not going to change until I make it change. Why can’t I get moving on this? I’ll pay someone to kick me in the pants!!!

Please!

Golf lessons began on Tuesday. At first, I was kinda pissed because the instructor was late and tried to sell us all kinds of crap before we went out to the driving range. I thought he was a bit assholish and just didn’t give a crap about the students…that it was all about the cashola. [Note: There are seven of us in the class—supposed to be six]

But then we finally went out to the driving range, and he started working with us. And even though I half expected to be annoyed and frustrated that he wouldn’t be able to give us enough individual instruction and that he would be a cocky bastard, I was pleasantly surprised. He was funny and informative and took time with us all. I also found out that one of the guys doesn’t need much instruction. He’s beyond a beginner. He’s the husband of one of the true beginners (like me).

Originally, I thought I had a pretty good natural swing. But by the time he got through with me, my swing had turned into something very foreign to me. Almost uncomfortable. Very awkward. Surprisingly, when I did what he said and swung reeeally easy, the ball blasted off the club and went far, far away!

I jumped up in the air as if I’d scored the winning home run! It was too much fun! And the great thing was that the instructor actually stayed with us for an hour after class should have been over and worked with us and laughed and goofed off.

When it was over, I ran into some girlfriends who were taking a different class, so we stayed and shot the shit for the better part of an hour in the clubhouse. And bonus: lots of hot golfers. Extra bonus: no other women!! I think I’m gonna like playing golf! We stayed until the clubhouse kicked us out.

As we were leaving, some guys asked us where we were taking the party. But we all decided that it was getting late. I needed to go home anyway. I’m a good girl, I am!

And I know I said I wasn’t going to, but I updated my profile on the internet dating site. Eh. Getting some interesting responses, but still not too much into it. Basically, my profile explains that I’m not all that interested in dating every night like the spaz that I tend to become. But I said that I’m not in a hurry, and I want to take my time with this. Again, I stipulated that I would not answer one-liners. Sometimes that’s a mistake. Some guys write novels and shit. Funny thing is, I’ve gotten some of the same novels from the last time that I was on the site!!

I need to write back to a guy who is in my same line of biz. Who knows? If nothing else, he’d make a good business contact!

Let’s see where this goes…!

Oh and one more thing: can I just say how thrilled I am that A. Mo’s back?!