Midweek Check-In in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Week is moving right along.

Mr. Peepers is being so strangely personable with me. We had a meeting yesterday in which we were introduced to prospective vendors, and Peepers treated me with the utmost respect, and I almost didn’t know how to take it. I think he’s had a bit of a rude awakening recently with regards to Big Boss and her ways. It just goes to show that no matter how you slice it and dice it, Big Boss is a superfreak. You can try and befriend her and even brownnose and go completely out of your way to get her on your side. And she’ll be your best friend one day only to turn around and permanently ruin your career the next.

Hm… maybe something’s up. Maybe he’s being nice to me because he knows that I’m going to be laid off or something? Eh. Then please just do it and give me a package and I’ll be outta your hair and you and Big Boss can go on your merry way traipsing down the streets of Paris hand in hand.

Or maybe he sees just how hard I work and how much I love doing what I do and how I got the shit end of the stick in this whole debacle and feels…..something….for me. Or maybe he sees that I know my shit and can run circles around his ass. Whatever. Who cares. It’s just nice to get an ounce of respect around here. I lap it up like a starving kitten. Is that pathetic?

I never did hear back from Mr. Sexual Harassment. He didn’t call. He didn’t write. I am not heartbroken. I seriously wonder if I’m sending signals and if that’s why I’m having trouble moving up in this company. I swear, I don’t walk down the hall strutting my stuff. I don’t think that I’m overly flirtatious. Not purposely anyway. Yes, I love to joke sometimes. But I don’t consider the joking overtly sexual at all. The more I think about his shit and what he did, the more pissed off I get. What an ass. What a cocky ass bastard. I wonder if he thinks anything about what he did the other day? Probably not.

I must appear so incredibly naïve. Especially in this diary where I spill everything.

I guess when all is said and done, I really am oblivious to a lot of things. I try not to pay too much attention to office gossip. I try not to say mean things about people (I save that for the spillage here). I want to stay somewhat away from controversy (yet, I’m still fascinated by it….look at all the stuff going on inside ODLand!).

But is ignorance/non-confrontation really bliss? Not when someone takes advantage of it or speaks to you inappropriately or grabs your ass just because they know that you’ll only freak out on the inside and not do anything about it outwardly. Should I be ashamed because I let that whole incident slide? Should I be ashamed that I don’t fight back when Peepers makes a snide comment? Should I be ashamed that some people think that I get special treatment by flirting or being friendly? Should I be ashamed that I try to avoid conflict? Is it all a sign of weakness? Am I doing it all wrong? It’s the only way I know how to do “it”.

I just don’t know.

Golf was a barrel of monkeys last night. I had a great time! There was yet another new instructor, and once again, I think I’m in love. He’s one of those touchy-feely instructors who takes a lot of time to make sure that you’re doing everything correctly. I felt like messing up again and again just so that he’d take his arms around me and show me correct upswing and alignment and all that fun stuff. He even smelled wonderful!

The air was crisp, borderline chilly. Giant clouds filled the sky and threatened to dump on us at any time. It was so nice to be outside and walking the hills and laughing with my classmates and ogling my instructor’s beautifully tanned and toned legs….

And we actually “played” about four holes and practiced chipping and then putting for a long time. I did get a little frustrated, but more by my cart partner than anything else. What a freakin’ know-it-all. Just because he’s read some golf books, and he’s actually quite decent, doesn’t mean that he can show me how to do everything. There’s one in every group, isn’t there? I finally told him to shut up.

As we made our way back to the clubhouse, I ran into Little 21 (the instructor from last time), and he wanted to give me some putting tips. See, that’s what I love about these young instructors. They’re so into it! So much enthusiasm. And oh so cute!

But I couldn’t hang out with him for long, because lo and behold, who should be waiting for me to get off of the practice putting green, but Patrick. Yes, my date from the other night! He was leaving for a quick trip to the Caribbean this morning and wanted to see me before he left. I’d told him that I had golf lessons, and he told me that was fine, that he’d meet me at the clubhouse afterwards. I warned him that I’d probably be exhausted and frustrated, but he said it didn’t matter….that he really wanted to see me before he left. I told him that the golf course was waaaaaaaayyy out in the suburbs and he lives smack in the heart of downtown. I told him that it would take him at least 30 minutes to drive there, and that we couldn’t stay late and blah, blah, blah. And after all that, he still insisted on coming to see me!! Who am I to say no after all that?

So yes, I was exhausted, and yes, I was a bit frustrated. And yes…..it did show. I did my best to be nice to him, but I was more annoyed by him than anything else. We went inside the clubhouse and had a beer, but it was obvious that the guys who were working there wanted to leave. So we had to cut our meeting really short.

Funny. I now understand the deal with Patrick’s joke telling. He tells jokes when he’s run out of things to say and he’s nervous and wants to fill up any tiny bit of lull in the conversation! He didn’t even really listen to all the things I told him on Sunday night! He just felt the need to talk and talk and talk! And it’s kind of funny (ironic?) that I felt like the tables were turned on the whole Ethan situation (where I blabbed and babbled non-stop every time we met).

After the guys in the clubhouse kicked us out, we talked in the parking lot for a while, and the more we talked the less interested in him I became. He acted as if he was going to actually miss me while he was on this three day trip, and then pulled me close and went in for a kiss. I turned my cheek and pulled myself away, and I think that was all she wrote.

Pretty sure he got the hint.

I swear. I think I’m destined to be alone the rest of my life.