Back from my Dallas trip. Feeling a little .eh.
The meetings with my old company went fairly well. It was kinda fun to be sitting on the other side of the business, but nerve-wracking nonetheless. I still feel overwhelmed, but starting to understand the lines. Which is good, because Ill be presenting one of the lines next week!! Theres no turning back now!
When the meetings were over, my co-workers hopped into a car to be whisked to the airport while I waited for Tiff to come pick me up. It was fun to see her, and she took me to a little bar where we waited for Super T to meet me. Tiff had to leave before he got there, so I had about ten minutes to myself to work myself up and get myself nervous about seeing him again.
I stayed with Super T, and it was nice, but uncomfortably awkward at times, too. I kinda felt like he was ready for me to go before we even went to bed on Saturday night. Either that or I was just feeling insecure. I dont know. I guess I didnt realize it until right before I left on the trip that Id actually invited myself to stay with him over the weekend. I mean, he was all up for it and everything when I asked him about staying with him over the weekend, but he never really extended an invitation per se. So of course, I felt as if I was imposing.
To top off my insecurities, I found out that my assumptions regarding seeing Super T over Thanksgiving were simply that—assumptions. I mean, wed talked all about the fact that we would see each other over the holiday because he was going to be driving to his brother and sister-in-laws place which just happens to be a two-hour drive from where I now live. Well, it seems that things have changed. He will now be going to his mom and dads place. They live over four hours away. Um .
He never told me that. And he never extended an invitation.
I will not invite myself this time! No way! If he wants me there, hes gonna have to ask. And if he doesnt, then Im going to be having a very quiet Thanksgiving here by myself.
Honestly, the thought doesnt upset me all that much. Really. Sure, Ill be a little lonely, but Id rather be lonely than humiliated.
Got to see several good friends over the weekend. That was nice. We met Tiff and her hubby and Nicole (my old downstairs neighbor) for lunch on Saturday and then Lori and her hubby stopped by with their brand new baby boy. Today, we went to brunch with Matt and Greg and Matts little girl, Maddie.
Super T really seems to enjoy hanging out with me when Im with my buddies. He happily goes along with any plans I make, and adds to every conversation with genuine interest. We have tons of fun together. I just dont get the awkwardness I sometimes feel. Especially when we are together one-on-one. Its not all the time. Just the times when I need him to ease my insecurities. I know he hates goodbyes. And thats what our relationship is right now: a series of goodbyes.
He did end up getting a job offer. Not a great one, but its a job and thats better than not having one. He doesnt seem to want to move back to this area. Even though he finally admitted that he would relocate for the right job.
Whatever. Maybe I should just cut my losses right now. I cant fucking stand the wishy-washiness of it all.
Suppose I should start bracing for a lonely Thanksgiving.
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