Squeezing the Last Drops… in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Finishing the last few gulps of the bottle of champagne I bought for my New Year’s “celebration” that I had all by myself last night. Twas nice and quiet and not really as lonely as I thought it’d be. I mean, really. Quite a complete turnaround from last year’s drunken nightmare. I’ve been thinking about that night a lot during the past 24 hours. And now that the year’s over, I’m going to let it go.

After a full 48 hours of avoiding the phone, I broke down and returned calls to Mom and Dad, Best Bud, and Canuk. That took a giant chunk of my night. I’m so excited because I’m going to get to see Best Bud and her hubby in NYC! They’ll both be in town on business the same time I’ll be there! I called Canuk to let him know, and he’s all set to make arrangements for dinner on the 11th.

I can’t wait to spend the night(s) with Canuk. I think I’ve figured out the issue that I was having with the Hot Orthodontist and the difference between the things that I feel about Canuk and H.O. It’s very, very simple. Though they both appear(ed) to like me, Canuk is into me. H.O. is into himself and getting off. Canuk wants to get inside my head. H.O. wants to get inside my pants. See?

While talking with Best Bud, I e-mailed her the photo of H.O. that he’d sent me. She then asked my why I even cared about what he thought about me. That I should just screw his brains out for the fun of it. I even asked myself the same question. But again, it comes down to vibes and chemistry. I’m telling you for the umpteenth time, if the vibe and the chemicals are wrong, it’s never gonna work with me. I can’t fake this shit. Never will.

That’s another thing. I guess guys out there are so used to being with girls who are “faking it” in one way or another that they can’t feel what’s real. So of course, they run across someone like me who wears her heart right out there for everyone to see and they don’t quite know what to do with it. So they either treat it well (see: Canuk), or they fuck around with it (see: H.O., LDL, Ethan, Theo, etc…etc……the jury’s still out on Super T, but he could possibly be the guy I was trying to kill in my dream who’s still out there just to figuratively taunt and tease and mess with my head).

Whatever. Could I possibly belabor this issue further? I don’t think so. I don’t know what’s up my butt that’s bothering me so much about this whole issue.

I need to go to bed soon.

Like. Now.