Dude sleeps in my bed as I write this quick entry. He didnt get in my bed until I got out of it at 9:00 this morning. He fell asleep on my couch last night, and though I pretended to be asleep, I wasnt. And I certainly didnt make an effort to coax him into bed with me. Hes mad at me and I dont blame him.
All weekend long, Ive been distracted because I cant find my passport and I need it next week for my Europe trip. Ive spent a lot of the weekend frantically ripping my apartment apart looking for the damn thing while poor Dude watched or read or did his thing. He even went with me to work yesterday so that I could look there. Nope. Still cant find it.
Im close to panic. My stomach is in knots. And its not just that I cant find my passport, though that is a large part of my issue .its also that the second I picked him up at the airport, I realized that I have zero feelings for him.
I think its because during most of Friday night, as we were out and about, he kept reminding me of all the things that went wrong while we dated for that brief moment in time. Things that Id forgotten. Things that quickly leapt to the top of my brain and have now started to fester. Why did he have to bring those things up? Why did he come here if all those things bothered him? Im so annoyed by him and this situation. And it shows.
Ive ruined his weekend. I know it. I feel guilty, but I dont feel sad. Im just frustrated.
He slept in my bed Friday night. I kept my back to him, though I let him wrap his arm around me and rub my shoulders. I couldnt, however, bring myself to kiss him. Not even a peck.
I honestly cant wait to get him to the airport. 4:30 cant come fast enough.
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