Last nights little exercise in faking it was just plain foolish. I should know better. Secret Agent Guy is so not for me. I thought that maybe I could psych myself into liking him. Nope. So then I thought I could drink myself into liking him. That worked a little better, but now I just feel weird about the whole night.
He did take me to a nice bar downtown. The best part about the place was the hotter than hot bartender. I could hardly keep my eyes off of him. And hot bartender was in such a joking mood. We both had a lot of fun with him. Wish I could have said the same about my date. The thing is, Secret Agent Guy is a great guy .and he kept complementing me and telling me how attractive, smart and sexy he thinks I am. I think hes good looking, very intelligent, and successful, but the chemistry is all wrong. He was pushy with his affection, trying to get a kiss out of me first thing. I guess hes used to that. He was offended when I backed up and wouldnt kiss him.
I told him to get over it.
Then he took me to some strange little Italian restaurant where everyone knew him. There was some guy walking through the place singing Sinatra songs. Every once in a while the guy would shove the mike into Secret Agent Guys face, and SAG would sing and sing and sing! He was happy as a clam.
I, on the other hand, was drunk. And turned into a clam. I really had nothing to say. So what did I do? Of course! I kissed him!!!
Before I knew it, I found myself on my now infamous couch. Shirt unbuttoned. Secret Agent Guys hands wandering. Nice. I dont know why I find myself in this predicament with guys I dont even LIKE!
I think Ive had it for a while. Im taking a break from dating. Its all just a giant waste of time if Im not enjoying myself. Especially when I wake up half naked and hungover with dried-up contact lenses stuck to my eyeballs and a wicked craving for cigarettes.
You think Im attractive and sexy? You should see me now.
SAG has already called this morning. I didnt answer the phone. Left a message wanting to make sure that I was feeling okay and apologized for getting a little drunk and handsy (and mouthy) last night.
Whatever.
Theres so much to do today. Preparing for my trip. I leave tomorrow. So I need to get my butt out there and go to the bank and le Target, etc. etc
Keep sending those lessons, DMT, I still need all the help I can get!
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