Desperate, But Not Serious in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Last night I went to see The Pianist with Mr. Unmentionable. I was happy when he called me and asked me if I wanted to go. Been wanting to see it for a while now, and I was glad to see him too. What a sad and gorgeous movie. I got all misty during many scenes. Mr. Unmentionable, bless his sensitive heart, practically bawled through most of it.

But after the movie, he once again pressed the issue…wanting to know what exactly it is we have. Friendship or the beginning of a romantic relationship? And went on to explain (once again) that if it’s not romance, then he’s not going to invest the time or energy that he has been.

I can honestly see where he’s coming from. I’m sending him very mixed signals. After the last time he posed the question (St. Patrick’s Day), I started calling him more often and acting more interested in him. And that’s because I truly like the guy…really. He’s a beautiful, beautiful person. I would give anything to have a guy like him as a boyfriend.

But still, no sparks. I’ve done everything that I can to try to get those sparks to fly. The chemistry’s just not there. In fact, I forced myself to kiss him more than once last night, just to make sure. Nope. Nothing. In fact, I was kinda turned off by the whole thing. And as he was walking me to the door of my building after all was said and done, he held my hand. It was awkward and uncomfortable. We do not fit. And that makes me more than a little sad.

Because I’ve started to lean a bit on him as a friend. I call him when I’m lonely. He’s there for me. And I’m sure he’ll still be there if I should ever get in a real bind, but I can understand that he wants to back off if I’m not interested in anything more than a friendship.

That does it. I just need to pursue a good old-fashioned girlfriend. This whole sexual tension thing (or lack thereof) is really starting to drain me and get on my nerves. I obviously don’t need/deserve a boyfriend. I just need a real live FRIEND.

Speaking of friends, Best Bud went back to our old stomping grounds over the weekend to have a secret rendezvous with her lover. Her husband was away on a guys’ trip in Vegas. I’m not sure that I like being the one to bear the weight of this affair. I know she has to tell someone, and I want to support her in the decisions that she makes…but I sense this might get ugly.

Her husband is a great guy. He’s gorgeous and supportive and a very giving guy. He just lets her push him around too much. She completely wears the pants in the family…always has. But now it frustrates her. And he practically cowers. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—she knew what he was like before they got married. She KNEW it wouldn’t get better. I’ve told her this. I think we all expected this.

I feel kinda guilty that I’m secretly satisfied that things aren’t working out between the two of them. Not cool, I know. I’m frustrated for him and don’t really have a whole lot of sympathy for her. But I’m not giving her a rash of shit or anything. I’m just sorta sitting on the sidelines watching things unfold. Waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

Is that bad? Is that wrong? Should I be intervening or intruding? Do you think there will be karmic consequences?

Well, I better run. I started this entry during my lunch. Since then, it’s been a long-ass afternoon. It’s after six and I’m not done working yet. I’m missing my workout!! Better get what I can done, and then maybe I’ll be a good girl and go to the gym (oh how I need to be a good girl!)

Hope my membership card still works!