Striking Conversations in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I’ve stared at this very screen for what seems like days now trying to write something. Anything. Why is this so hard lately?

E-mail came the other day. An old friend of mine who lives in Hong Kong. Wonderful to hear from him. He’d just gotten back from a hiking/biking trip to Laos and Cambodia. I think he’s the most well traveled person I know. Said he’d been thinking about me because he’d done some work for my company. It’s fun to find out who we mutually know halfway around the world.

Of course, I had to immediately write back to ask him all about SARS and how he’s doing. He replie that it’s hysteria and it’s frustrating. And joking that he takes all the girls’ temps before kissing them!

He then added that he hopes I’m doing well and “not breaking too many hearts (or at least letting them down easy).”

I think I laughed out loud at that one.

And then mentioned that he’ll be in New York next week. And I suddenly started thinking of reasons why I need to go.

But nah. I’m actually too busy in the office right now. And unfortunately, I have to go to North Carolina tomorrow and Wednesday, taking even more time out of the office.

So there goes NY for this month. I suppose I needed a break for a month or so. I think I’m still recovering from my last visit.

Recovering in one area, but relapsing in another. Met some girlfriends out Saturday night. Cute boy struck convo then suddenly disappeared. Got piss drunk. At the end of the night, I called LDL. Told him I ….. missed him (?) ..Still….. love ….him….(!!!!!!)

Wha?

I just wanted to hear those words. I wanted to hear how much he misses me and how he didn’t realize what he had until it was too late and how sorry he is and how he made the biggest mistake and on and on.

And I got it. I got exactly what I wanted. I got all that and more. About an hour’s worth.

And now I feel so horribly crappy about it. Because yes, I do still have strong (really strong) feelings for him. But they are not good and wonderful and fuzzy feelings. They are yucky.

And my phone call was malicious.

And I’m sorry.

And an e-mail came today from an acquaintance. A guy I met through Secret Agent Guy. Said he saw me at the bar on Saturday night as I was leaving. He was by the window and couldn’t get away to come talk to me.

[Thank goodness! No telling what I would have said if he had been able to come over…{shudder}]

I replied that it was a shame we missed each other.

He said he hopes we bump into each other sometime in the future.

I wrote back and told him that it would be easier if he could give me a collision time and location so that we wouldn’t have to leave it to chance.

Yeah. Smooth, eh?

Didn’t get a response to that one.

Gah. I have such a way with words.

And this entry has exhausted me. It’s bedtime anyway. That 6:30 am flight is gonna come all too soon. I’m sure there will be more humiliation soon…stay tuned.