Been in a shit, shit, shitty mood for several days now. Trying to just break out of it has proved impossible. There are physical reasons for my piss poor mood. I dont mean to be graphic, but I was about 2 ½ weeks late. So when the dam broke yesterday, she broke with an unbelievable force. Its normal for me to have moderate to severe cramps for maybe an hour or two after the seal is broken, but Im on day 2 and still feeling like Im having a miscarriage or something. Im sorry, but this is horrible. I hope this isnt something thats age related. I talked to Best Bud about it and she told me that Im probably just getting on someones schedule here at work and its wreaking havoc on my cycle. Such a bizarre phenomenon. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and get back on the pill. It sure does make it a lot easier. Knowing my timing right down to the minute. And I suppose it would regulate the emotions a bit better too. But its all so frustrating taking that pill every day and not having any sex to show for it. Stupid reason not to do it especially if it can help me regulate some of these icky mood swings.
Ugh. And unbelievable mood swings they are! The sucky thing is, its not like Im going from happy to sad no. Im swinging like a monkey from the Woe-Is-Me tree to the Fuck-You tree. Nice, eh? The good thing is, Ive been very isolated lately. Working on several solo projects here in the office and going home and crawling into bed for the last few days. Im pissed off about stuff going on at work right now. Dont want to write about it because a lot of it is simply fear of change and the unknown. Its inevitable stuff. People come and people go and roles change. People backstab and gossip and play the politics game. Its part of work life. But lately I feel like Im some sort of unwilling participant in a reality TV show. I know I need to get in there and play the game, but I just havent been up for it the last few weeks. Isolating myself is not a good idea. This job is all about self-promotion. I have no choice but to get in there and swing that bat. But I dont have the energy right now.
I hope that my little vacation (starting tomorrow afternoon!!!) will help me regain a little perspective. Ill be away from this office for five full days!! Trouble is, a lot can happen here in five days. And I worry about whats going to go down when I come back. I dont want to spend my vacation worrying. I dont. I hope that my buds will help take my mind off of this place. I think a lot of my worry is unfounded anyway. I wish this group wasnt so freakin gossipy! Sometimes I just want to tell everyone off. But I tend to keep a lot of my frustrations in. I need to ask more questions of Boss #1 and #2. At least they will know where my concerns lie. And theyre usually pretty good about calming my nerves. Ill schedule a meeting when I get back. For now, just get me outta here for a few days!!
Eek. I can hear whisperings right now. Somethings going on. Now Im dying. I so need to get away. This place is sucking the life out of me.
New topic.
I met someone the other day. Actually, it was last Friday night when I was out with my friend Kim. Really nice guy. Has a very interesting gig here in town. Has to do with a professional sports team. We exchanged business cards because he knows a guy here at work and wanted me to say hello to him. Anyway. This guy, Jeff, called me yesterday. I could tell he wasnt sure what I thought of him. But I told him that I was happy that he called. And when he asked me if Id like to get a drink with him sometime, I told him yes then we hung up.
Well, if that didnt set up a string of when-can-I-see-you e-mails! Kinda cute, but a little annoying. He wants to see me tonight since Im skipping town until late Tuesday night and Wednesday is another West Coast day trip (San Francisco this time Id really like to stay for more than three hours waaah!). I cant decide if I want to see him though. I have to go to a going-away happy hour first (actually need to leave ASAP) and then I need to pack for my trip. If I can get all that done at a decent hour and get myself into the right frame of mind (damn my hormones), then Ill see him. In other words, its pretty unlikely.
Dammit. I should just buck up and make it work. Who knows? This could be the greatest guy in the world.
Okay. With that, Im out.
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