She’s the Firecracker. I’m the Dud. in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Fourth of July weekend is coming to a close. I actually packed quite a bit into the last few days. But I’m afraid that I feel a bit of a let-down coming on. I suppose I just need to get back into the swing of things. I have a big gigantic deadline coming up, and I’m going back to NYC this week, taking three days out of my office time. And office time is what I really need. I thought about going into the office this afternoon, but I decided to indulge in a little down time. Oh, and I cleaned my bathroom.

Aneeyywwaaay. Here’s what happened:

Friday night was the Fourth of July. I had planned to go to an art opening with Stella, the girl I’d met on the internet. Yes, the slightly odd bird. She wasn’t really sure of the exact details of the gallery openings, etc. and with the holiday and all, she was afraid that they might not even be going on. After checking some things out, it turns out, they weren’t.

Not to fear, however. I actually had a back up plan. My friend Kelly had invited me to a rooftop party at her boyfriend’s place. I adore fireworks (and parties in general!), so I told her that I would most certainly be there. I hesitated, but ultimately made the decision to ask Stella if she’d like to join me. I was a little concerned about the weirdness factor, but Stella sounded enthusiastic and I figured what the hell. I need to stop being so overly concerned about appearances, others’ actions, what people “think” about me, etc. I think I let things like that get to me waaay too much.

The party turned out to be small, but lots of fun. Interesting people, very cool location, wonderful fireworks, fairly hot guys. I got a little worried when I went to the patio for a long, long time and it seemed like Stella might have disappeared. Or worse. What if she’d turned into like a psycho freak and weirded everyone out? As it turns out, Stella was making friends with the people next door by talking over the balcony, which ended up turning the party into something of a block party. FUN! We were all intermingling. And according to Kelly’s boyfriend, the condo next door just had a buttload of hideously expensive renovation done to it and he told us that we should check it out if we got the chance. The place was stunning. Stella was cute. She was dancing with all the gay boys. And for the first time all night, I relaxed and was happy that she’d joined me.

I went back over to the original party and started talking with a group in the kitchen. One guy in particular ignited some sparks. We chatted and laughed for a while, but his friends wanted to leave. He told me to meet them at another bar if I was interested. I told him that I might. But I was honestly kind of bummed. I wish I’d told him that I wasn’t able to go or something because it was really a lose-lose situation that he put me in. If I went, he’d think I was pursuing him. If I didn’t go, he’d think I wasn’t interested. Wish I’d made up a story. Oh well. I suppose I was just too tired at that point.

A little bit later, Stella came back over and I asked her if she was ready to leave. She said yes and I drove her back to her place. She was so sweet and thanked me over and over again for inviting her to the party. She said she hadn’t been to a party that fun in forever. I still feel ashamed that I thought she’d be a real social outcast. Heck, she was the one who made it a million times more fun by doubling the party!!

Ech. I’m yawning right now and tired. I’m going to have to cut this entry short. There’s a lot more. My whole family (Mom, Dad, Bro.) came up on Saturday and left today. So much more I want to write (for example, being so bitchy to the fam today…I really do suck and now feel horribly guilty), but I’m already starting to freak about the week ahead and fading and need to get some shut-eye.

And oh my gosh…add to the stress…Hy’s coming tomorrow! Yipes.