Jim in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I’m in a sassy mood today. I left a drunken entry last night at around 2am and woke up at 6 realizing what I’d done, so I marked it private. I’m pretty sure it will be deleted. I wanted to write a proper entry about the events, not some slurry, slushy, hiccupy entry.

So I snuck in a personal ad for a couple of weeks before I yanked it yet again. I’m not sure why I go back and forth with the internet dating. I guess I just have a hard time with the whole online introduction phase and how the physical chemistry thing plays into that when I finally do meet someone. It’s odd—sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes not. But always odd. But this one got through. And I was curious about him.

Anyway. Here’s the lowdown on last night:

Name: Jim

Age: 40

Occupation: Owns a construction company

We met: At the same bar where I met my one and only speed-dating date.

We did: It gets even more coincidental. We had a couple of beers. He had a snack (I wasn’t hungry…probably a mistake), and then we walked to another little divey bar to shoot pool…just like my speed-dater.

Convo: We both talked about what brought us to this town (we both moved here from Dallas. Me, this year. He, thirteen years ago). He told me about going into business for himself and his hobbies, etc. And then he told me about his two grown children (I forgot that his profile said he had kids), and his ex-wife (his profile said he’d never been married). I suppose if you’ve been divorced for ten years then it automatically goes away? Whatev. But just imagine…he is only five years older than me (looks early 30s easily), has two kids who are grown and in college, an ex wife, a successful business that allows him to take weeks off at a time, has lots of drive, ambition, and talent….he could completely start over with a whole new life. Like a complete do-over with the wife and kid thing if he wanted to. I expressed that and told him that I thought he was lucky. But he was quick to tell me that he wasn’t lucky…that his marriage had a very tragic ending, and he wasn’t sure about doing the whole family thing over. It was an interesting, if not eye-opening conversation.

Part of personality I liked: His attitude towards things…like there’s nothing he can’t accomplish if he puts his mind to it. Even though it sounds like he had to grow up fast and the hard way, he’s positive about life. It sounds kinda sappy and goofy, I know, but I was actually quite inspired by him.

Part of personality I disliked: I hope this doesn’t come off as bitchy or completely naïve, but I feel like we come from two different worlds. There’s nothing wrong with that, I know…but we seem to exist on different levels. I don’t know any other way to put it. I can’t relate to his quitting high school, getting married at 19, followed immediately by kids and all the struggles that come with that. Marriage issues. Medical issues. Work issues. Etc. Maybe that’s a part of my own personality that I dislike or something. I feel a strange kind of guilt that I haven’t yet dealt with those issues. Am I missing something? Is life supposed to be about struggle and strife? Have I not truly lived?

I know, I know. This is supposed to be about him, not me. But.

Part of appearance I liked: Mkay. He’s fine. Like, really good looking. And really young looking. When I said he could easily pass for early 30s, I meant 30. Or 29. He’s tall, got a head of thick, wavy, sandy blond hair and blue-grrrreen eyes and….whoa.

Part of appearance I disliked: It is possible that he might have had one freckle out of place.

Highest point: Would have to be beating the pants off those bratty fratty boys at pool. That, or the lip action outside the joint.

Lowest point: When I wanted more lippy and he said he needed to go home.

How it ended: Um….like I’ve already said above. We left the establishment, walked out in front of his car, and planted a kiss on each other. I’m not even sure how it started, but it’s like we both leaned in at the very same time. And nice. Yeah. Very, very yummy. He’s the perfect height for the stand-up, lace-your-arms-around lip lock. And lips. Perfect. It was like candy. And I wanted more. But I guess maybe a little goes a long way with him. He walked me to my car and planted another one on me. This time I not only felt tingly, but weak in the knees as well. And then he turned and left me standing there all wobbly.

Chances I’ll see him again: If he asks, I’ll go. 100%. Not sure if there’s boyfriend potential. Lots of heavy baggage and all. But what the hell. It would be worth it for just one more kiss. I’m glad we met.