suite dreams.
Trip to Georgia was a little like a sideshow act. Getting to Atlanta was the easy part, but who knew that it would be so difficult to get to [Small Town] (a 20-minute prop hop from Atlanta)? Prop planes are not my favorite kind of transportation in the first place, but when the plane breaks down right before take-off, my game gets a little thrown.
After deplaning and a little airport flirtation (why are there so many hotties roaming around Hartsfield-whatever airport?), we re-boarded the aircraft. I asked the ground crew guy if the plane was safe, and he sort of shook his head, smiled, and drawled, “that’s whut they tell me.”
Nice.
We chugged and bumped through the sky as I watched the props sputter the entire 20 minutes. Eternity.
Once on the ground, it was no less entertaining. I’ll spare you the boring work details, but the characters were classic:
Linda: Chain-smoking, ultra-hyper creative force behind the company I visited. Wound like a top. Wanted to drink all night with me. Even after we’d said goodnight and I trundled off to my darling little suite and put my jammies on and settled into bed. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, the phone rang, jolting me straight up. It was Linda calling to see if I wanted to go back out on the front porch and drink wine the rest of the night. Had I not been so snuggled up in my giant feather bed, I would have. I was so glad I didnt in the morning anyway because I only had a mid-level hangover instead of one of those killer hangovers. But instead, I did do something almost as equally stupid (see below).
Dave: Good ol’ country boy. Sweet, polite and very down to earth. You’d never know that he’s filthy, filthy, disgustingly loaded until you stop off at his place to grab a beer and pee before heading back to the airport. Because you’d pull off an old, gravel-y country road and drive past a giant gate that leads you through a mass tangle of trees and then upon the clearing you’d see this insanely gorgeous mansion and grounds that include…a lake. That’s right, a LAKE! Who OWNS their own lake??!! And a gigantic lake house filled with hunting prizes (and beer!), and another house that he calls his office and ANOTHER house that he uses just for the dogs. Unbelievable.
Mitchell: Overly stressed son of the boss. Pushy and nervous. Had me so on-edge the whole time I was there. I finally had to shut down and tune him out for a good portion of the meetings.
Robert: 90-year-old chairman. Came out of retirement to help save this company. Sweet old guy the first day, crotchety old geezer the second. I think he was pissed because Linda made us horribly late for dinner the first night. He wanted to eat at 6:30. We were two hours late (!!) because Linda wanted to drink and smoke a LOT..before dinner. I was at her mercy as she was driving and I had no clue where I was in the first place! Im sure he thinks Im awful and rude.
Marshall: Super fag trying desperately to hide it. Not working. Not working at all. Why even try to hide it by being all flirtatious and shit? Ugh. Annoying.
Paul: Factory manager who gave us the tour of one part of the facility. Nice enough, but leaned in too close too often. At one point, told me that I smelled nice and asked what I was wearing. Said, We dont get special guests very often and its really nice to have someone who smells so great walking through the factory.
Tommy: Mmmm. Another factory manager, but a delicious one. This time I leaned in closer to him, pretending to be listening really closely over the roar of the machinery, but secretly hoping that hed catch a whiff too. I’m so sick.
Honestly, it was a productive trip. We all worked really hard and ate well and I stayed in a gorgeous old bed and breakfast. Sometimes its such a shame that I cant stay longer at these places. Its rare that I go to smaller towns to see factories. In fact, its rare to go to factories in the US at all any more.
And [Small Town], Georgia was just spectacular. The flowers have bloomed and springtime is simply stunning there.
Oh yeah, that something stupid mentioned above? I drunk-dialed LDL after Linda called and woke me from my pseudo sleep. What am I thinking lately? I dont really remember all of the conversation, but I do know that Im definitely getting myself into some hot water.
Boiled peanuts, anyone?
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