(even though Im sure it will fizzle and dribble away anyway):
Paul and I have both been invited to Renees 30th Birthday Party. I know this because the invitation was sent out on e-vite, and his name was listed directly after mine. Neither one of us has RSVPd yet. This should be interesting. Im going to scope out the vibe this weekend at another get-together with the girls. Why have I made such a big issue about this whole thing, I wonder? Ive already lost all of the glow and excitement anyway. Well that, plus the fact that he hasnt called.
Hm. How about this? I hope we both go. I hope theres a standoff. I could use a little shit stirring around here. My life feels so boring lately.
And so how do I cure that? I make for drama. Little dramas here and there. I guess it keeps me entertained. Or something.
So I just booked my ticket to see LDL. Just now! While I was thinking about creating more drama! Come September, Ill be back in the arms of my old lover. If it sounds vaguely familiar, it is. I did the same thing a couple of years ago, and though it opened old wounds, it felt like that good kind of hurt. I dont know how to explain it. Its probably a real fucked-up thing to do. And Im pretty sure it will cause both of us some form of discomfort, but he didnt tell me not to come. Quite the opposite. We are a mess together. Always will be. I cant wait.
Sick.
Ive been so lonely at night lately. Ugh. I cant stop thinking about old loves. I can usually get through the day okay but when I go to bed at night, I find myself saying goodnight to someone whos not even there. Ive even gone so far as to say, I miss you. And I love you. Out loud.
Im embarrassed to even write that.
Have I truly lost it?
Day three of extreme cramps. This is unusual for me. Im thinking that my right ovary is working overtime. I can tell thats the one thats cranking this time. Im just the teeniest bit puffy on the right side of my tummy, and a few months ago I noticed that the left side seemed to be a bit swollen. Aaah, the miracle of a womans body, eh?
Lets see, good things good things
Saw Prince the other night. Nice little surprise from the Marketing Director at work. One of the ad agencies had sent several tickets to the office, so a little group of us went. Loved the acoustic part. He rocked my crampy bod.
Went to see the new loft on Tuesday. Ive already fallen in love with it and put a deposit down (its currently a rental with the option to buy in the near future). Im praying to the lease gods that the owners of my current place will let me break my lease so I can move into this place I already have so many plans on how I want to paint, stain the concrete, update the bathroom, etc Ill be heartbroken if this falls through.
The warmer weather is finally here. I can now officially break out the sandals and the skirts and the baby tees and the tanks and the halters and the crops and the wheeeee!
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