Atmosphere in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I’m getting really used to flying in that corporate jet and fear I may be incredibly spoiled now. Those planes fly so much faster and smoother than commercial airplanes. I wish I could travel in style all the time. I’ve now come to recognize almost everything about the pilots’ flying styles and feel really safe until it’s time to land. Apparently, this type of jet (need to remember the name of it because people ask me all the time) is very hard to land…and it shows. Ouch. Ooch. Just about every time.

But damn. The door-to-door service and no ticket or security lines…heaven.

I have one more day of city-hopping tomorrow (Chicago) and then it’s the weekend (until Sunday night when I leave for NYC again).

Today, I snuck into Dallas again!! I didn’t know I was going until yesterday, and I was only in town for a few hours…but what a fun few hours it was! I don’t often get semi-play days, so when I have them, I try to use them to the fullest. I even got to meet up with my dad for lunch. How cool is that?

But for some reason, as I was driving all around town, I got a little misty. I miss being so close to the ‘rents and I do miss my Dallas friends dearly. And I miss the thought of Super T (why am I still hung up on him?) and I miss the bigger city atmosphere. I even drove by my old place today. There was a really cute girl with black pigtails and a pretty-but-sad face sitting on the front steps. MY front steps. And I thought about the times when I’d sit out on those front steps with that same melancholy gaze and wondered about the people who probably drove by and wondered what I was thinking.

God, I just get so lonely sometimes.

Last night, I saw Scott. I couldn’t remember what I was calling him here, but I looked back a few entries. Yes, Scott. And though red flags flew through the night sky, I still felt the need to have him.

Scott reminds me so much of LDL it’s scary. Scott is handsome and he knows it. Scott likes to stir shit. Scott LOVES to get a rise out of me. Scott knows how to push my buttons. Damn. How’d he figure me out so quickly?

And why do I respond so positively to him? I mean, he pisses me the fuck off. How can that possibly make me want him so badly? [UA] is right. I’m feeling the need for therapy right about now.

Scott left at 2:45 this morning. I had to be up at 5 to get ready for today’s trip. I’m exhausted right now. But it was worth it. Sort of.

And Ryan and I were supposed to go out tonight. In a way, I’m glad he canceled on me (postponed because of his friend’s special request pseudo bachelor party…the guy’s getting married this weekend and really wanted to go out with his buddies). I was a twinge disappointed, but definitely more relieved.

Ryan asked me if I had a date last night and I half-lied. I said yes, and then laughed jokingly and backed it up with some bullshit excuse. I don’t like lying.

I don’t feel very good about either one of these situations. Neither one makes me go all gooey. Am I supposed to be going all gooey at age 36? I really want to believe that someone will someday come along that will make me gooey again.

I’m not giving up. I have to believe.

Now, I’m off to prepare some more stuff for tomorrow’s presentation. I miss noting everyone. I’ll be back soon.