Welcome Holiday Season! in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Saturday Morning (11/27):

Greetings from DFW airport! I am trying to finish up the last leg of Thanksgiving. It’s been mellow. I needed this down time. And even though I started my day at 4 this morning, I feel pretty darn wonderful. Let’s just hope that I can keep up the good spirits and that the trip doesn’t end up the way it started on Tuesday (weather in Dallas delayed my flight for over four hours—but honestly, even that didn’t put a huge damper on the situation).

So after a few glasses of wine and an almost five-hour delay, I arrived in Dallas quite ready for happy hour on Tuesday. Crazy Tony actually met me at some new bar, and that put me right, even though Maria couldn’t meet us out. Tuesday was actually quite busy with all of the weather delays, etc. Everybody had family coming in.

After Crazy Tony left for the airport to pick up his son, I went to Tracy’s (my favorite former boss at my last company). We’d been in touch a few weeks earlier, and she really wanted me to come in and see her daughters (now both teenagers!!!) and even offered to let me spend the night. I took her up on the offer, and we ended up getting sauced and chatting the night away…surely solving all of the world’s problems…wish I could remember now!!

Next morning, I actually got the wild notion to go to the old office, and damn, I’m really glad I did. As soon as I stepped foot in the old building I got weird vibes. Sure, it was great to see all the old work buds (well the ones who were working on Wednesday), but it was also confirmation that I’d done the right thing by leaving the company when I did. It’d been two years since I’d walked those halls. The place was the same, only different, you know? Like I didn’t belong there. I still can’t believe I worked there for almost seven years!!

Afterwards, I made a few phone calls and shopped a little and drove through the old hood like I always do. Super T and I had made plans to meet for a drink and I wanted to try and hook up with [undergroundathena] if at all possible before she left for New York. The Super T thing actually happened (gasp!), but the [ua] thing didn’t, unfortunately. By the time I said goodbye to Super T, Mom and Dad had already been calling for a couple of hours, wondering if and when I was going to come visit them.

So…the Super T thing: wow. I hadn’t seen him in a whole year….since he’d simply vanished off the face of the earth. I had no idea how this meeting would turn out, but I was very anxious to see him and find out what his deal was.

He’d been waiting for me when I walked into the tavern. Oh man, did he look great. And he was as sweet as ever. It was as if last Christmas were yesterday. We found a seat in the back of the bar and proceeded to get back in touch. But some things just don’t seem to ever change, and I guess Super T is no different. Same sweet guy, sure…but same old pipe dreams as well. Even though he’d worked through his unemployment stint while we were “together”, he hadn’t moved on or up from his unsatisfying number-crunching job at all. I know he’s working on it, but I think he’ll always be “working on it”. He was depressed. It really brought me down. Really. And if this story might sound a little familiar, it’s because I’m going through a similar situation with Q., too.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and came right out and asked him why he’d pulled the disappearing act on me. He explained that it just felt like an unbalanced relationship and that he couldn’t bring as much to the table as he wanted to…especially in a long-distance situation. I accepted that explanation, but I can’t say that it was without frustration. Just how many guys am I destined to meet who are just not quite where they want to be? Why does this always seem to be the response I hear when I ask questions like why they don’t want a relationship or why they disappeared? Why do I go for these guys? What attracts me to “unfinished” men and starving artists?

Whatever it is, I’m sick of it. And I actually got a little sick of Super T, even though he started in on the physical flirting and I was thinking that he might invite me back to his place. I was sensing that it was time for me to get outta there. So I did. And fast.

Super T walked me to my car and we said our goodbyes, and he surprised me with a kiss, square on the lips. And that only made me angrier, so I quickly jumped into the car before I did anything rash.

Whoops. Gotta go. They’re boarding my plane. More later.

Saturday night: I’m here. Yes, that means at home and not out being Super Slut. I suppose it’s a good thing, though I wouldn’t mind being out and about and on the prowl. I swear, it sucks being at my sexual peak with no outlet but myself and the few boys brave enough to try me.

Okay. Where was I? Let’s see. I left Super T after he walked me to my rental car and kissed me goodbye. I finally consider that closure. Kind of crappy closure, but closure nonetheless.

Drove to my folks’ place where I proceeded to eat non-stop until I left for the airport this morning. Seriously. It sucks. But so wonderful at the time.

Mom and Dad are great. We had such a fantastic time laughing about old times and new. We got to talking about the old days, and they remember so much. Some of this stuff I never realized they paid attention to. My dad had me cracking up about the months we spent in Belgium together and how the guy I was dating at the time would pick me up for dates on his bicycle and I would ride on the handlebars! Those were certainly the days…

He then told me that I should have written all of that stuff down. Well, I did keep a journal back then, but I guess I must’ve missed all of the sweet, innocent stuff that they remember. I was too busy trying to grow up so quickly and become “mature”…whatever!! So not worth it. I should go back to those notebooks and read them over and maybe rewrite from a different perspective. That would be a fun project someday.

Right now, I’m busy trying to finish up yet another project for work (I worked on it quite a bit over my vacation). It’s due at the production studio on Tuesday. It’s now Sunday morning (I went to bed early last night). I suppose I will finish it today.

Or maybe I’ll decorate the place a bit. Or maybe both. I don’t know. The good thing is, I’ve got the whole day ahead of me, and it was nice to be on vacation for a few days. I feel rested and well (oh, and kinda fat…bluh).

The holidays have most definitely arrived.