Sandy Holidays! in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Back from the drunkfest that was this season’s national sales meeting for my company. It was held at the absolutely gorgeous Ritz-Carleton in Naples, Florida:

View of the front of the hotel.

,

Views from my hotel room.

Let’s just say that it was more like a 4-day drunken office holiday party than it was a series of very important meetings. I can’t even believe that The Ritz let us stay there. Seriously, when we checked in, I was like….are you guys sure we’re welcome here? I’m guessing we’ll never be invited back. I, for one, am still very much paying for my hard-core drinking, dancing, and gluttonous food intake (mmmmmmm).

Oh. And so many, many faux pas I made with the poor NBC executives that happened to be staying for a meeting during the same time. I kind of don’t even want to get into what a gigantic ass I made of myself in front of the top dogs at NBC.

It all started innocently enough…

[cue the flash-back tinkling chimes and wavy picture]

Several of us left for Naples on Sunday. Jen and I went specifically to help with the set-up. Jen had some gifty things that needed to be put together before the rest of the people got there, and I decided to give her a hand.

We spent the first evening working. Of course, we didn’t quite finish. So we had to spend our “free morning” finishing up.

Meetings started that afternoon, followed by an amazing dinner on the beach. It started at sunset:

Ugh….it was amazing. I don’t want to post too many photos out of respect for the poor other fools at this shindig, but just to give you a little idea of my reaction to all of this, here’s a photo of me….before I started drinking:

Okay. Maybe I’d had a glass of wine or two. For the record, I stopped taking photos after the first night. Unfortunately, there were others who took up the slack the next three nights. Professional photographers that caught every gory detail. Can’t wait to get those back so I can relive every bit of the glorious Elaine dancing that I did on Wednesday night.

But back to the first night. After our dinner, another co-worker and I decided to go check out the other dinner that was taking place by one of the pools. Yes, it was definitely NBC because there were peacocks all over the place. Peacocks illuminating the pathways, peacocks in lights on the side of the hotel, I think there were even peacock ice sculptures, but I don’t quite remember.

The dinner was over at that point, but there was one table of guys still left hanging out. Of course, we had to go over and say hello. They were very friendly, from what I can remember. We talked about how wonderful the resort was, and they were asking all about our company. Then I started in on the NBC questions, not knowing that we were talking to the top brass (even though I’d met one of them before—long story involving a friend of mine who has connections). I asked how Dick Ebersol was doing, and they told me that he’d just flown back and that he was doing well, thanks for asking. And then I asked about another guy, but butchered his name completely. Turns out, I had been talking to him all along!!! And to try and hide my embarrassment, I apologized for not recognizing him because he’d gotten so much grayer since the last time we’d met!!!!!!

Lovely. Shortly after that, we turned and ran. I don’t think I was too horrified until the next night.

Next night, our dinner was by the pool. After dinner, some of us went to The Club to check out the scene. Inside were more media people, and being the friendly person I am, I said hello and introduced myself. I guess no introductions were needed, because they were all making fun of me for butchering *** ********’s name!!

Either news had traveled fast, or they’d been sitting there watching me make a complete and utter ass of myself the night before. But honestly, what can one do at that point? I’ll tell you what one can do. She can hold her head high, take a few more shots, and make out with one of the guys from Bravo!

Not only that, she can pull said Bravo Dude out to the beach and flop around in the sand with him. The night is a complete blur from there. I remember whipping off my sandals and running out to the water, but when I turned around, a sort of remember Bravo Dude with no shirt or pants on. Hm.

The next thing I know, I’m waking up in my hotel room feeling quite itchy. I realize that the itchy feeling is sand. And when I finally pulled myself out of bed (too late to wash my hair before the morning meetings), my bed was like a sandbox. There was literally a pile of sand where my body had been. Thank the beach gods I woke up alone.

I have no idea what happened to Bravo Dude. He sure was handsome.

Meetings were torturous that day because my scalp was so itchy. I’d worn my hair up the night before and kept it up all day the next day. Every time I scratched my head, a whole bunch of sand fell out. Picture Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. Me.

I couldn’t wait to wash my hair before dinner. I don’t think I’ve ever loved washing my hair so much in my life.

That next night was the grand finale of them all. Lobsterfest dinner. Drinks (natch). Awards ceremony (very cool–a great guy got the presidential award). Then dancing. And OH! Did we dance. I don’t think I’ve ever danced so much or so hard in my life. I don’t know what came over me (and others) except for the possibility that we were there to let off the biggest burst of steam known to mankind. What a wonderful night (and if this means anything, it’s now Sunday morning, and I’m STILL sore and bruised from Wednesday night)!!

People you’d never know had it in ‘em were letting it all hang out. And I do mean ALL. Jen got in trouble for a wardrobe malfunction that was caught on film, and I’m just waiting for my time in the hot seat. I was wearing my chicken cutlet boobies (you know, the stick-on kind?), and I had to take them out and hide them in the women’s restroom because I was sweating so much that they were slipping off.

I finally hit the wall before several guys stripped and got in the hot tub (yes, this was a WORK function!). I’d actually gone up to my room to change into my bikini, but passed out before I even got the damn thing on (thank you!). Jen called at about 4:30am to tell me that the party had moved to her room, but by that point I was completely out of it.

Next day was the travel day back to the blustery Midwest. I could barely walk through the airport, and each of our planes were delayed a few hours, so the travel part was completely torturous.

I can’t believe we all made it back to the office on Friday. Not an easy day to work. Rumors and e-mails were already flying about our behavior. Jen was all upset that people were talking about her. I make no qualms. I know people are talking about me too…the office flooz getting wasted and taking off with the guys from NBC and affiliates. Whatever. It happens. I enjoyed and paid for it all weekend.

I’m still recuperating. Surely that means it was a great meeting!!