Me and The Girls in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Travelin’ Girl: Though I wangled my way out of a day-trip yesterday, the travel excitement continues. I do enjoy the travel—most of the time. But sometimes, at the end of a grueling trip (like Tuesday evening), I get misty. I find myself sitting on an airplane, looking down at the twinkling lights of the small towns below, and I feel the tears well up because I know that there’s nobody waiting for me at home. I know that I’m going home to a quiet, cavernous loft (of course, the cat is there to welcome me back as he always does, and man, is that ever comforting…I honestly don’t know what I’d do without his presence, but…). Damn, what I wouldn’t give to come home to a fellow human every now and then. Like I said, I got out of today’s trip. What a nice gift! Today is St. Louie, and then I leave for Los Angeles first thing Saturday morning. I can’t wait to get to LA—it’s so gonna rock. I found out that Anna (in Laguna) is having a party on Saturday night!! What perfect timing! I can tolerate the lows when I find out that there are special surprise perks like that every now and then.

Office Girl: Yesterday I had the greatest office day because the rest of my team was traveling. Hee! I wanted to get so much done. I did get caught up with my never-ending expense report situation, but the office remains a mess and there’s so much crap to do. I can’t believe that I only have four more days in the office this year. Oh shit. Just typing that out induced a small heart attack. Looks like the laptop is coming with me over the weekend and the holidays. So much crap. So little time.

Lover Girl: Saw the ex-boyfriend (LDL) on Monday night because I was in the Bay Area on business and decided to skip out on dinner and get a little dessert, if you know what I mean. Yes, this is one of the reasons I was all teary-eyed as I was flying over the vicinity of Denver and Colorado Springs on Tuesday. It didn’t help that I was sitting there remembering how he and I had consumed a bottle of wine over appetizers and went back to my hotel room where he told me over and over and over again how much he loves me and wants me to move to SF and be with him forever. It’s so hard not to fall for that shit every stinking time. It feels so good when we’re together like that, but I do realize that when we only see each other two or three times a year it’s not real life. Real life would be him telling me over and over again how much he loves me while simultaneously manipulating me by telling me how awful my friends are and how I need to devote my every waking moment to meeting his needs. At least that’s how it used to be. He keeps telling me that he sees the errs of his ways and will treat me like a princess, and it’s so wonderful to hear him whisper those oh-so-sweet nothings in my ear, but I still have that nagging feeling in the back of my noggin. The silly little inkling that makes me afraid that he might snap one day and strangle the life out of me. Could it….would he…? Nah. There’s no way in hell. He loves me, right?

Flirty Girl: And all of the oldies start crawling out of the woodwork when the holidays come ‘round, don’t they? What is it about this time of year that make the guys so interested? Both Super T. and Dude are frantically e-mailing, wondering if they can see me during my short stint in Dallas (for Christmas). I find this both flattering and insulting at the same time. Sure, it’s sweet to be pursued. But why is it only by my Ghosts of Christmas Past? I’m playing along a little. But I’d really like something shiny and new under my tree this year (stupid euphemisms, I know).

And I’d really like something legal, too. Creative Director Guy (the separated-but-not-sure-if-he-wants-to-be-divorced guy in Chicago) is calling as well….wanting to hook up in New York in January. I know this is kinda bad, but I just like flirting with him. I’d never actually do anything, mind you (you know me anyway—all talk, no action—until the divorce goes through), but I dig the attention he gives me.

It gets harder and harder the older I get. You’d think I’d have this stuff down pat by now, but the situations keep changing, and by the time I think I understand the meaning of love, dating, and the rest, the deck of cards is shuffled again.

Shopping Girl: Has been curbed a little. Can’t really spend a lot of money when you’re tied up in meetings everyday, can you? Unfortunately, I’m not finished with Christmas shopping. I suppose that will have to be finished in LA. I will have a little bit of time for browsing while I’m there. And though I know I’m supposed to be focused on (1) work, first and foremost, and then (2) finishing family/friends gifts, here’s the kicker: Anna’s party Saturday night is semi-formal bling-bling. I feel like I don’t have a thing to wear! Okay, I do have one get-up that I’m packing with me, but I’m sick of the way this extra 5 pounds is sitting there. Mocking me! Making me feel horrible and blobby and making me want to focus on myself. Shame on me.

Workout Girl: Where’d she go??!! I’m very sad to announce that I’ve given up on losing that ten pounds before the end of the year. It’s just not possible at this time. That doesn’t mean that I’m giving up completely. I suppose there’s still time (yes! 15 days!) to shed a couple more. My problem lately is that I bitch and moan and complain about how awful I feel about gaining 5lbs. and vow to get it off and then some, yet end up feeling so wiped at the end of the day and don’t go to the gym and end up either eating or drinking or lovemaking (wishful thinking) my sorrows away. I know. No excuse. But eating, drinking, and lovemaking just feel soooooo much better… Doesn’t matter!!! Come back Workout Girl, please! Save me!!

Early Morning Girl: Well, it’s Friday morning, and I need to get a move on to get my groove on. A million things are swirling through my head this morning…the phone conversation last night with LDL (must detail soon!), getting the homestead in order, tomorrow’s trip, today’s trip and presentation. Okay. The plane leaves at 7:45, so off I go!