Bug in my Ass in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

  • April 3, 2005, midnight
  • |
  • Public

Today was a gorgeous day. I knew it was going to be, so when the cat woke me at 5:45 this morning looking for breakfast, I got up and changed all the clocks. Figured since it was really 6:45, I might as well just stay up and get some shit done—starting with a real workout.

I haven’t been doing well in the exercise department lately, and it shows. My sexay jeans just ain’t what they used to be, and my vain side simply won’t take that lying down (any more).

So after a couple cups o’ coffee and a quick change into my sweat garb, I took off for parts unknown. I went outside and just started running. And running. And running! Okay, so I only went about three miles, but I’m no runner, people. That was pretty amazing for these ol’ hocks.

Can’t even believe I had the whole riverside park to myself. I mean, NOBODY was in sight. Such a pretty trail, but I can see why it doesn’t get used to the greatest potential…it doesn’t really go anywhere. Well, it goes to a riverboat casino, and then the trail peters out and dumps into the casino parking lot, where I noticed hundreds of cars. Now, I understand the all-night gambling thing—in VEGAS. But this is the heartland. There’s no strip. There are no sparkling lights. There are no dancing fountains. What is the fascination with gambling all. night. long.?

No comprende.

So basically, I turned on my heels and ran all the way back home.

Had to go to the office today, but since it was so amazing outside, I really couldn’t concentrate. I turned in the stuff I’d worked on yesterday from home and then came back home, ate lunch, and went right back out to the park.

I sat down in the grass and started to relax and read a mag, when I felt something crawl into the back of my pants. I didn’t pay that much attention to it because I thought maybe it was just a blade of grass or something—until it started biting me. Right at the top of my crack. Ow. Ow. Ow!

Once again, ran my ass back home. This time, it was to rip my pants off as quickly as possible. I ripped and then shook and shook, but I never did find the creature that bit my booty. Sure do hope it’s not crawling around my place just waiting to pounce again.

So wish me luck tomorrow when I have to get naked in front of the doctor and let him pick and poke and prod. I wonder I’ll have to explain the large pock mark on my heiney.

I’m actually kind of nervous about the whole thing tomorrow. I checked my blood pressure at the Target earlier in the week, and it’s still high. Wonder if I’m going to have to change my bad habits? Wonder if he’ll tell me not to drink anymore or eat salty food (which I may just like even better than alcohol). Wonder if there are a bunch of other diseases swimming around in my bod.

Guess I will find out soon enough. Now, I need to get a snack before fasting…and hopefully avoid the ass-biting creature.


Last updated 5 days ago


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