The Last Couple Weeks in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Been away for a couple o’ weeks. Things have transpired. I feel like I’ve done so much, yet accomplished so little. I made some new friends and perhaps lost a couple others. Feels funny. Life feels so incredibly up in the air lately. I swing wildly from insanely giddy to lowly and crap-like. I need a little stability, and I’m trying to create it…yet trying to move things along in a completely different direction. It’s scary. And weird. And I’m not sure what to make of all of this.

Here’s some stuff that’s gone down since last I wrote:

My Gay Boyfriened: Since spending the last couple of weeks in New York, I’ve gotten pretty close with Stephan. We’ve wined and dined together, and he’s a pretty good person to know in NY. He’s connected, and working on some things. This could be an entrée into something. I’m just not sure what yet. He is very close to quitting the job that he has with the company. But everyone knows that his time is about up anyway. I wonder about mine, too. I’m nervous. We’ve shared secrets. Strategic ones. Sometimes our relationship feels like a reality TV show. Sometimes like a twisted sitcom.

The Contract Signing: But here’s the thing. I’ve signed the paperwork. As of a couple weeks ago, I’m set to buy the condo. I’m excited, but scared. In talking with Las Vegas Guy, though, he seems to think that it’s a very wise decision (regardless of what my peeps in the financial side of the spectrum say). I’ve locked into a price, and the prices have already risen. LVG says I’ve already made $$$! He’s told me that he’ll fly in for my closing if I want him there…just to walk me through the process. AND he says he’s thinking about buying a unit in the building. I think that’s pretty excessive, but whatever.

The Whirlwind Fling: Wouldn’t you know it. Between weeks in NY, I meet someone here…who lives in NY. Make sense? Well, it threw me for a small loop. I think I’m calming down now, as I’ve been back in the Great Midwest for a few days now, but day-um…was it ever intense! And perhaps just a little bit of what the doctor ordered. I’m glad we met, but reluctant to hang on to any thought of promise. Because we all know where these little flings end up, right? In my diary and in my memory. And that’s all.

The Plumping: Both my body and brain soften and plump when I go for several weeks without exercising, reading, writing, or anything that has to do with a sense of routine. I really, seriously need to rethink how I want to live my life. I know I’ve been saying this for years now. I love, love, LOVE the travel and adventure. But I swear, it’s gonna be the death of me.

The Secret Stuff: Just a couple of things that are swirling around upstairs that I don’t even feel like writing down yet. They haven’t really gelled. I realize that perhaps if I write them down it will help me figure things out, but I’m just not there yet. If I write them down, they become real and I will have to deal. Just know that there are… things.

I’ve missed you.