Gingerwart in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Started about four entries this week, and none of them are working out quite right. I don’t know what to say without bitching. I know that’s what a diary is for…venting. But, a girl can only vent so much before it just gets her completely down.

Been talking to my old company about getting a new job with them. But I also just spent the last hour poring over old entries about how badly I wanted OUTTA there!! Really, it was because of Big Boss and Mr. Peepers, both of whom are no longer with the company (Peepers got fired, and Big Boss got demoted and eventually quit). I’d sent an email to one of the tip-top dogs at the company, and before I knew it, the phone calls started coming in! I’ve talked to two directors and an HR person this week. I’ve had one great conversation, and one sort of mediocre chat, but the last call with one of the directors didn’t go over very well. She’s well known as a bitch and is also the director of a department that I don’t want to be in, so I really should discount that, but I was still bothered by our conversation.

And then…here’s the kicker. My boss called me into his office to go over timelines and some other things, and then at what I thought was the very end of the conversation, he said he needed to talk to me about something else. Something that he didn’t want to do like he was going to have to do it.

[gulp]

It was a surprise review!!! And it was a [double gulp] GOOD REVIEW!!! And I got a pay increase and a pep talk!! WHA??????! And then he went on to tell me that my job was going to change. No more bullshit. No more grunt work. He couldn’t go into detail, but he did say that obviously because of how shitty business is right now, things really needed to change. And he could also tell me that as he looked at the way the new structure would be organized, my position is going to be the most exciting one in the division.

Now. Believe me, I realize that things are not all rosy. If things don’t get better we’ll all be outta there. And there’s still the fact that I don’t like living here in the Great Midwest, but I don’t feel like I’m getting fired next week, and that definitely changed my attitude. At least for the afternoon.

Yes. I am officially a full-blown worrywart. I wish I knew why I do this to myself. I get myself soooo worked up over the smallest things and then think the end of the world is nigh. I wish I knew how to control that. I wish I could be more happy-go-lucky when it comes to work (which is essentially life because I make it so all-consuming). I wish I could be happy in the situations that I get myself into. Why do I self-sabotage?

Much more later. For now, I must pack. Don’t forget, I’m moving to my temporary pad next week. My secret temporary pad that nobody knows about because I’m going to quit my job before I get fired and move somewhere I that I haven’t even fully thought through yet.

[sigh]