100 Things (11-20): in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

  • Nov. 11, 2005, midnight
  • |
  • Public

At the rate I’m going, this will take forever…

11. I still feel the presence of my grandmother on my mom’s side. I don’t know why. We weren’t particularly close when she was alive, but we did have our moments (mostly, she intimidated the hell out of me). But I think I can feel her with me from time to time. Perhaps it has something to do with how independent she always was…married later in life (in those times) and had her shit totally together. She’s an inspiration in many ways, and in a way I feel like I’m following in her footsteps.

12. I tend to get hangovers that are so severe that I have heart palpitations (today is a perfect example). I googled my symptoms this morning, and it’s a glaring sign of alcoholism AND says google, very dangerous. Damn.

13. I love my freckles.

14. Regardless of the state of the union, I get chills every time I hear/sing The Star-Spangled Banner

15. I still carry a torch for Sam, my college boyfriend. We lived in sin and I just assumed that we’d get married. We all know what happens when we assume. He assumed his way right into the arms of a French au pair during his semester abroad. They married, had babies, and (I assume) lived happily ever after.

16. Come to think of it, I still carry a torch for Ray, my very first boyfriend…ever. He was a BMX racer, and gave me the trophy he won the first time I went to watch him race. I still have the damn thing! Okay, maybe it’s not a so much a torch I carry for him. I’m obviously an emotional packrat.

17. Last night I drank champagne with a “friend” of mine. A married friend who was in town on business. I didn’t even know he was married until he confessed that he was going through a separation several months ago. Long story short, I drank too much champagne (hence #12) and wasn’t able to drive home. I got as far as his hotel and could go no further. I slept in the other bed. He tried, oh yes he did. But I just don’t think I could ever be with a married man. No matter how terrible their relationship is. My revelation: leaving a hotel room at 5:30 in the morning so that you can drive your half-drunk ass home and get ready for work still feels like the walk of shame—even if nothing happened at all.

18. I watched “Where in the World is Matt Lauer” all week, and now I want to go to every single one of the places he went, especially Shanghai.

19. I rarely pull the shades when I undress in front of windows.

20. I am so going to get fired if I don’t stop fucking around here at work. Sure, I’ve all but given up, but I can’t let them know it…yet.


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