Someone called me fickle today. I guess I spouted too much on Friday when I was at a work function about NYF (with a colleague who met him in New York) about not being too thrilled about what was happening in our little scenario. And then when asked today about the rest of my weekend, I gushed quite a bit about him.
Ive decided to TRY to not let my age get to me anymore. I think that was one of the main things that disturbed me about this little fling. I sort of felt like it was just a noveltya funny story to write about and joke with my friends about. Like, of course, theres no way that I could actually have a relationship with someone 10 years my junior. But it really doesnt feel like were 10 years apart. He doesnt mention it, anyway. Im the one with the hang-up.
And Id like to hang that issue up.
I just dont want to be that old chick whos still having drinks at the bar and dancing on the booths at the club. Is it wrong that I still think thats fun every now and then? Its not like Im a regular at these places. Anymore.
I guess its like I was telling NYF on the way to the airport: I spent most of my 20s in a very serious relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry. I really didnt go out and gallivant that much. So I guess Im getting it all out. Squeezing the last drops. I just dont want to go on like this for too much longer.
Im saying it now. I want to settle down. That doesnt mean I want to quit. To give up. I just want to lower the key a bit. Im a little ashamed that I got piss drunk and had to be cabbed back to someones bachelor pad so that I could pass out. Ugh. Thats not attractive when youre 20, let alone .you get the picture.
Tone it down. Yet still enjoy. Have my cake and eat it too. Look, touch, taste .just dont devour.
Its easier to digest that way.
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