Even Dumber. in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Dumb entry yesterday. Moving on.

Oh wait. There are a couple things that I want to touch on in this entry that have to do with yesterday’s entry.

1. NYG—the fling that we’re going to have in New York next week: It’s not that I’m getting all tangled up in him again. He is well aware that I’m ready for a man-friend, be it AtH (unlikely at this point) or anyone else. Neither one of us is really interested in anything other than a fling-like relationship with each other. He’s not going to threaten to come visit anymore. We’ve already talked about that. He is not interested in dating anyone. We’ve already talked about that. It’s purely sexual. And we’re both fine with that. I can say without a doubt that there’s no way in hell I would EVER fall for him. Ever. The End.

2. Was that convincing?

I do feel a tiny bit better today. Especially since there was no champagne hangover! Sure, I’m still lonely (a dull ache now). And yes, I’ll work through it like I always do. But I’m just so tired. Really tired of being single. I want to try this couple thing again. If I suck at it, then I suck at it…but DAMN…don’t you think that six years is long enough to be alone?

I just crave a taste of it again. And if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. I understand that some things are just not meant to be. But I honestly can’t get a handle on what’s so repulsive and objectionable about having ME as a girlfriend. Can’t somebody just tell me so that I can WORK on it?! I am very seriously getting a complex. It is incredibly upsetting.

Crap. This entry is making things worse.