When Will I Learn? in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I left my Toronto entry (well, the half that I’ve written) on my computer at work, so that will have to wait until I’m back at work.

Right now, it’s the glorious weekend. I’m doing my normal weekend stuff: running errands, fixing up the pad, working out, loving on the cat, and staying in at night. This is no way to meet someone new, I know. But I like it this way, so I shouldn’t be complaining.

Work really got me down this week when I got back from my Canadian exploration. I don’t really want to get into it. Let’s just say, I work with some catty, back-stabbing bitches…which is completely expected considering my field. But man. These bitches take the cake. Passive-Aggressive cunts, all of them (and they’re not all female). I finally had to tell one of them what’s what the other day. I hate to have to do that, but when snide comments are being fired at you a mile a minute, sometimes you just have to wipe the permasmile off and set the record straight. Yes, I am the type who tries to smile through it all. That tactic does not work with these folk. It’s a painful learning process. Enough about that.

In other work-related news, my friend Mac came to town to give my company a capabilities presentation. I’m so excited that I was able to make this connection between his company and mine (especially since this is a PR project—and I’m not in PR). After the meeting, he and his account exec. took me out to dinner. We went to one of my favorite restaurants, and during dinner I got a call from Nabe (AtH—I’m liking the “Nabe” name better these days…it’s what we call each other). I was actually expecting his call because I’d talked to him earlier and he wanted us to meet him out.

Now. I do have a crush on Mac (and vice versa—trust me, he’s tried to kiss me more than once). But Mac’s situation is even more complicated than Nabe’s. Add to that the fact that he lives far away, and it would never work with Mac. I’d told Mac and Glo (his acct mgr) all about the Nabe situation at dinner, so when he called, they were dying to meet him.

After dinner, we all piled into my car because the bar where we were meeting Nabe was maybe a mile away and we didn’t need to take separate cars. But my windscreen was up in the back seat of my car, and Mac told me not to take it down…Glo could sit on his lap in the front seat! Okay! So we all squeezed into the front and Mac and Glo buckled themselves in together. Whee!

Do you think there’s any question about what happened next? Of course. We got pulled over. By bicycle cops of all things!!! After tons of questioning and lots of scolding and some finagling regarding soberness even though we’d been drinking, we got off with a stern warning. The windscreen came down and we all had our own seats and drove on. Lucky.

Met Nabe at his hangout. He met Mac and Glo, and was friendly to them…but again, REALLY friendly with me. Handsy and huggy and tickly and sweet. I got squishy. When it got late, Mac and Glo took a taxi back to their car, and Nabe and I drove back to our place and he walked me to my door. Gave me a peck and then asked me if I wanted tickets to this amazing charity event that benefits his foundation. It was highly publicized and featured many local and national celebrities. I gave him an enthusiastic YES!!! And he sounded pleased that I was so excited. He told me he’d slide the tickets under my door sometime during the week.

So. Wednesday—Nothing. Thursday—Nothing. Friday—Nothing. Day of event—Nada.

Why do I set myself up for heartbreak with this guy? How many times am I going to let him disappoint me? I know much, much better, so why do I do this?

And here’s something else: Mac called me early, early the next morning after he’d seen the Ginger/Nabe connection, and he told me that he was worried about me. He told me that as soon as we walked in the place, Nabe basically grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me (which is all true and a big reason for my sqishy-ness), in essence telling everyone else that I’m his friend/property/girl/whatever, and that nobody else can have/talk/hang with me. And I’d never really thought about it that way, but when I think back, it’s all true. He commands my attention when we’re together. He always does that! And I thought it was pure affection, but I’m coming to realize that it might not be affection after all.

So. Here’s what we have with the Nabe situation: unfulfilled promises, emotionally unavailable, overly possessive actions, tattoos with his ex’s name on his body, etc. etc…

And I still pine?!

Please help me.

I’m seriously thinking about doing the internet dating thing again, but I’m scared. I’ve been so unsuccessful with it in the past. But I really think I need something to take my attention away from Nabe.

That’s it for now. I’m going on my bike ride.