Topic #2: Organic Dating in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I don’t know how, but I just bought myself some time on this presentation. And not that I can relax, but at least I can quit with the unproductive stressing. Because that’s what it is, you know…unproductive. In fact, I spent a good part of my Sunday worrying about it but not really doing anything about it. I don’t know if that will ever change for me. It’s just part of who I am.

So right now, I just want to say a little something about Organic Dating VS. Artificial Dating. See, I’m coming to realize that I’m no good at this internet thing. In fact, I basically blow. I can’t keep track of people. I have no clue of who’s who. Who’s emailing. Who’s “winking”. Who sucks and who doesn’t. I’m not even trying. It’s painful and depressing and makes me feel like a loser—a pathetic loser.

Yes, I know a lot of people do it. There’s much less of a stigma now than there was several years ago. Yet….why does it creep me out to log on to that website and weed through emails and suggested matches? Why does it freak me out when someone quickly emails me as soon as I log on, asking, “I know you’re online right now. Why haven’t you emailed me back?”

Ick! Go away! Stop watching me!

I want to meet someone organically. I want it to happen naturally and unexpectedly. I want to feel barely a little rumbling underground where the seed is just starting to unearth. I want to be filled with wonder and excitement when I see the first signs of a living relationship. I know that in the beginning, it’s delicate and fragile, so I want to feed it, nurture it, let the sun shine on it. I want it to grow. I want it to bloom. I want to play an active role in making something strong and powerful. And healthy.

Yes, I do realize that I’m asking for a miracle. But miracles happen all the time. I’ve seen them with my own eyes. And miracles don’t have to be perfect. No.

But oh, to feel those rumblings. My heart aches for rumblings.

I don’t like artificial dating. And that’s what the internet thing feels like to me. But now I’ve signed up for three months. I don’t want to let it go to waste. So I’ll click. And I’ll look. And I’ll click some more. Repeat.

Meanwhile.

I’ve felt just the slightest hint of a rumble in the last week or so. 100% Organic. I’ll let you know if anything pops up….even if it’s just a weed.