Counseling Consultation in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Grrrr and I had our consultation with the couples counselor last night. We were supposed to meet at 6:45 to fill out some paperwork and then have an hour-long session with the therapist. Grrrrr was stuck in traffic at 6:45, and I could hear his frustration when he called me from the traffic snarl. I thought for sure he was going to be in a horrific mood when he got there. Even thought he might be a dick about the whole thing.

But when he showed up, he was calm and smiling and sweet, and it was so reassuring. And when I told him I was nervous and he said, “Don’t be. I’ve gone through over a year of therapy and you should just say everything that you want to…you can cry if you need to get it out…do whatever comes naturally and don’t feel self-conscious about it.”

Um. Wow. I looked at him and said, “Really?!” Dying to know more, but the session was underway by then.

I think we both did a pretty good job of expressing our thoughts and concerns that we’re having. I kicked it off by giving the general background of us: dating for almost 4 months; feeling like the bloom is already off the rose/honeymoon is over, etc. Then Grrrr chimed in, reminding me of the issue that bothers him most—the drinking, my flirting with other guys (!!!) when I drink, the walls that seem to go up (not down like most would think) when we drink. Then we talked about the living together thing and the thought that I am scared that I’m something of a rebound for him…the fact that he’s so new to the area and has just moved back to the United States after living in Europe for 14 years…and that he wasn’t upfront about his children until 2 months into our relationship. And then we got into our sex life and how I seem to have a higher sex drive than he does.

I was quite touched by Grrrrr’s honesty and openness and how he was able to express the issues (much better than I could). And towards the end, he put his arm around me and lightly rubbed my hip, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy to be part of a couple than at that moment.

The therapist listened and then gave us his initial, very general comments about hearing insecurity in both of us and power struggles and blah, blah, blah… And then he told us how he likes to counsel—if we decided we want to see him, he’d like to have individual sessions with each of us and then bring us both back together for a fourth session and then possibly go from there with goal-setting, etc. He was quick to mention that he operates with the strictest of confidentiality so that there would be no need to hold back in our individual sessions… that the other party will never know what is said in the individual sessions. Told us to think about it, and then let us go.

When we got home, I told Grrrr that I was drained…because I was. He asked me what I thought about the whole thing and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I guess I wanted to hear something more specific to OUR relationship, not that these are typical struggles that most couples deal with (the power and the insecurity). The good news is that Grrrr told me that if this was something that I felt we could benefit from, then he will support it fully…and that he believes in the whole process. After all, he was the one who went for well over a year (I think when his ex left him).

He then told me about his experience. I won’t go into the whole thing, but let’s just say that his was very intensive at first (3X/week) because he was at a point in his life where he could hardly function. He did that for 5 weeks, and then it was 1X/week for 60 more weeks. And he did get a lot out of it. I can tell. If only by the simple fact that he is VERY good about talking things through.

Then I told him about my own experience with the head-shrink system. If only I had my old diary back. I could reference page after page of the agony I felt while dating LDL, going to therapy, and then having my psychiatrist dump me because we “weren’t making any progress”.

Still, I think I’d like to go through this exercise with Grrrrr…especially since he’s open and willing and quite frankly, better at the whole thing than I am. I think we’ll learn a little bit more about each other and a whole lot more about ourselves.

As we got into bed Grrrrr told me to sleep on it. And then he curled around me while I read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I had one of the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long, long time.