Wake-Up Call in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Wanna hear about the dumb thing I did this morning?

So Grrrrr and I have this morning ritual, right? I get up before he wakes up, take my shower, make coffee, bring him coffee and kiss him on the cheek to sort of wake him up. Within 5-10 minutes, he rolls over, starts sipping his coffee and talks to me and critiques my wardrobe choices and discusses the day while I get ready. When I’m almost ready, he gets out of bed and throws on some clothes so that he can walk me downstairs, through the parking lot and to my car where he hugs and kisses me, tells me to drive safely and to have a good day. It’s a sweet morning ritual that I have grown to adore.

But this morning, Grrrrr was tired and didn’t drink his coffee and it was getting cold, and I had things I wanted to talk with him about and he wouldn’t wake up and wouldn’t wake up…though I kissed him gently and told him his coffee was getting cold. He rolled over and I asked him a few questions about the weekend to which he grunted one-syllable answers.

Now, I KNOW that it’s completely annoying to have someone talk to you while you’re trying to sleep…but he acted like he wanted to get up and participate in our morning ritual like always. As I debated I realized I was running late, so I started to get frustrated and I must admit, I was a little noisy, kinda slamming doors and crashing things around, but he didn’t tell me that he wanted to sleep in (and I guess I didn’t ask).

So THEN he asks me why I’m getting all pouty and bitchy and I tell him that I’m NOT pouting (lie) and to basically fuck off. And then I storm out the door…only to run back and kiss him on the cheek and tell him that I love him, but that I wanted to talk to him and that I missed him while I was gone and that I wanted to have our ritual.

And then I re-stormed out the door.

Of course, on my drive to work I beat myself up and told myself that I’m the most difficult person to live with and how could Grrrrr possibly want to stay with me much longer. I fretted and worried all through the commute.

My insecurities could very possibly be the death of our relationship.

Why on earth is my brain so whacked? What can I do to get over this shit?

I’ve decided that from now on, I will still bring him his coffee in bed (because I really like doing that for him), but that’s it. If he decides to wake up and hang out with me, fine. If he sleeps in (he’s lucky in that he offices out of the loft), then fine too. I’ve gotten ready for thirty-nine years before him, I think I should be able to handle my morning routine at this point.

Gah.