One Big Happy… in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Hello! It’s me again. The REAL me again. The houseguests are gone, and I’m back from a business trip to Los Angeles. It’s been a very long and trying three weeks, and I’m slooooowly getting back into the swing of things.

So. How’d it go?

It was different. Rewarding. Difficult. Scary. Exhilarating. Hard. Really hard dealing with the strangeness of having Grrrrr’s children in our otherwise very quiet loft. Even harder with the presence of Grrrrr’s ex-wife. And even weirder with the ex’s new husband (the guy she left Grrrrr for, abandoning him AND the children at one point in time—not so long ago).

But I will say this. Grrrr’s children are the most darling, beautiful, silly, loving, frustrating, charming little bundles of energy I’ve ever encountered. They were spoiled non-stop for two weeks. They were loved, and they loved right back. They slept like little angels on a mattress at the foot of our bed. They tore through the hallways of the loft going in and out and insisted on grabbing the house key out of my hands so they could lock and unlock the door. They spoke a foreign language that I can only barely understand and can only speak a few words of. They clung to me like little monkeys, and gave me the sweetest name. They asked their papa if I liked them, and I often wondered the same of them. I kissed them at bedtime and hugged them tightly when I got home from work. I fell in love and fell in fear and fell and fell and fell…

And I stumbled over words with the ex-wife and wasn’t sure how to deal with her presence and her reprimands of Grrrrr as he only tried to reconnect with his children the best way he knew how—by giving them everything they could dream of. She was agitated and aggressive from the get-go, but slowly softened ever so slightly as the days drifted by and she saw how happy the kids were to be with their dad and how much I adored the lil’uns and vice versa. Ex and I even got a bit drunk together one night and she told me how awkward she felt and that she knew it was an uncomfortable situation for me and we both agreed that we can make it work. And we hugged. And the flood gates opened. I know!! But I was drunk. So I cried just a little because I just needed to get that pressure out somehow. And it just happened to be at that moment. I wish it hadn’t been at that precise moment, but it was a moment that we shared and that was that.

And the new husband? Well. First I thought he was more or less just a fixture, but I’m really glad he was there. He provided the necessary balance we needed to make this visit tolerable. New Hub is tall, decent looking, and has a very calm demeanor—qualities I desperately needed at times. He was funny in a goofy kind of way, and it was comforting to see that Ex-Wife and New Hub were displaying affection for each other (quite frankly, I didn’t know that Ex-Wife was capable of that kind of affection…well, until I saw that photo album, but that’s a whole other issue, as you know). Aneeeeyway. It was good to have the two couples, and I guess he and I could relate as the “outsiders”. Well. Maybe someday we will. I’m still trying to wrap my arms around the “One Big Happy Family” scenario.

Did Ashton ever feel uncomfortable with the Demi/Bruce/kids stuff??

The visit was good for Grrrrr. And excruciating. And everything in between, I’m sure. I can’t really speak for him because I can’t even fathom how he must feel to not see his own children for ten months. These are the kids he raised practically by himself for their first few years. I just can’t imagine.

So I was there for him. I was there for all of them. I could tell how happy Grrrr was that I was not freaking out (on the outside—the inside was a completely different story). I took a couple days of vacation so that we could take the kids to some really fun places—even my parents came over so that we could all go to the zoo one day!! It was an amazing time. Even if I did have to drink a few glasses of wine every night. I held it together as best I could. And I think I did a pretty damn good job of it if I do say so myself. I just know that I was drained beyond belief after we said our goodbyes at the airport (where we encountered another near-SNAFU that I’m too tired to write about at this point).

Gosh. Just writing this much and remembering so much of that experience is making me incredibly weary. I’m going to close for now….so much more to write, but….just ugh. I may or may not write about the day-by-day stuff. Is it enough to say there were major ups and there were huge downs?

All in all, an amazing, incredible experience.