So. I still havent gotten the new computer. I mentioned wanting to buy a Mac to my boss and she practically went ballistic on me! She told me that shed bought her daughter one and had more trouble with it than she can even explain (she is a 15-year-old girl whos now on her FIFTH chocolate cell phone, BTW). She told me that shes managed two separate staffs in two different design studios and switched them all from Macs to PCs and even though they squabbled about it in the beginning, they all went on to thank her later.
But heres the thing. Ive been reading reviews on all small, packable laptops, and all of them seem to have their issues. And its kinda come down to what I really want to play around with and I cant get the Macbook out of my head, so I think a Macbook is what its going to have to be. Boss be damned. I may be sorry later, but she doesnt need to know any of that.
That said, I am REALLY ready to have my own space.
Im out of the office this afternoon working on a new project with some new faces. Im going to have to really move out of my comfort zone with this one. Im going to be traveling heavily with a hard-core ladder-climber and two other people I havent even met yet. I should look at this as an exciting new experience, but Im only ½ excited and ½ full of dread.
This is having an effect on my life with Grrrrr but then Im still learning that everything has an effect on my life with Grrrrr. He has become the most integral part of my life, and I have learned to lean heavily on him. And that scares the shit out of me.
What happened to that independent woman? Where has my confidence gone? I wish I could get her backand QUICK!!! Because this isnt a comfortable feeling for me, and I know its not very attractive to Grrrrr.
And then the vicious cycle continues. Because when I am insecure about work stuff and I bring that home and my lack of confidence comes out in my relationship, a downward spiral starts to happen and down, down, down.
Ive been in similar places. And I dont even feel that awful. But I can feel it creeping and inching deeper into my psyche, and I KNOW theres a better place for that energy to go. Ive pulled the fake-it-till-I-make-it shtick. And it works with me. And I need to get back to that kind of place.
There is so much opportunity just swirling around me! Why does that scare me? I have the opportunity to transform my job into something so much more visible and rewarding (you KNOW I adore being visible and rewarded !!). I have an opportunity to build the most satisfying and amazing relationship of my life! I have an opportunity to create the wedding of my dreams! I have an opportunity to become someone special in the eyes of my sweet Grrrrs children. I have the opportunity to learn (and USE!) a new language
I have a million opportunities knocking at my door. I almost dont know what to do with them all. I dont want to miss a single one. So how to handle them without becoming overwhelmed? And have I handled some of them wrong already? And can I turn those wrong handlings into rights? Is it too late for some things? Have I missed or messed up some opportunities? Should some come before others?
AAAAGggghjhhhhhh!
So please excuse me while I jet .
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