Greetings from my own cozy bed at home! Got home last night. Even after the smallest/quickest of trips, It’s always nice to come home. And don’t tell Grrrr, but I let the T-Man (cat) sleep with me last night!! Grrrr hates the cat hair, and I know he would be upset to know that I let him cuddle up to me. So I’ll sticky roll the bed before I leave for work this morning. Or maybe tomorrow (heh). Grrr doesn’t come home from his business trip until Friday!
He’s having a few struggles on his work trip, so I decided to play the supportive fiancee role last night while we talked on the phone. I was just reading a book on the plane about (what else??) relationships, and there was a section about what men want MOST, and this particular book said that it all boils down to (again, major paraphrase here) encouragement, support, and making him feel like he’s doing a great job–at work, with hobbies, etc. And that involves really listening and being engaged and present.
Simple, right? Well. I’ll admit first off that Grrrr does not have the most exciting of jobs, but guess what? It’s what he spends the biggest portion of his day on, so it’s a huge part of his life (hello? duh). And I admit that I’ve kind of been downplaying his work because I got my own shit to contend with, right??? Right. I’m so used to concentrating on myself and the crap I go through.
But last night I decided to experiment with what the book said. When Grrrr called from his hotel room, I really concentrated on actively listening to him. And he was fairly cheerful, as he always is with me when we first talk on the phone, but I started asking some kind of probing questions. And ugh, he was down and struggling. So I listened while he told me about how he sometimes feels uncomfortable with certain people and situations at the home office, though he knows he’s doing a really good job in the field. And I was able to tell him how much I related by citing examples of similarities between my very recent struggles at work, and gave him tons of encouragement and good words and support, and even suggestions.
And do you know what? I always thought that I was being supportive of Grrrr before just by being there and listening and nodding my head. But this time he really heard the encouragement and support from me. And he said, “You’re sure doing a good job of getting me out of the dumps…thank you.”
And I know this is sooooooo simplistic and dumb, but I was so incredibly happy to hear that. And I told him that I was here for him whenever he needed. I am his partner and that’s what I’m here for. Sappy and forced? Maybe just the tiniest bit at first, but I seriously think that if I practice this more it will start to come naturally.
I guess what it boils down to is that sometimes we tend to complicate everything with expectations and details and dumb stuff, while overlooking the most fundamental, simple (but MAJOR) aspects of our relationship. I feel like I was hit over the head.
I really, really want to try to continue being a supportive, encouraging partner. And Grrrrr even thanked me again when we were getting off the phone. I am encouraged.
Chicago was nice. A quickie, but a nice visit. Now my challenge is turning a “nice” visit into an incredible presentation that’s useful to my groups. I know, that’s basically my job description, but I’m going to have to work extra hard on this one for various reasons (not a ton of time to do this, and I’m probably going to have to supplement my information with info from home).
But it was a good bonding experience for Boss and me. I like her more and more. Remember Boss Party Pants? How she was very involved in my job and my travels? Well, BPP has started to derail. That’s going to require a whole other entry just to describe the insanity of it all, but let’s just say, it’s very sad/scary to watch a person slowly fall apart and then pick themselves up time and time again only to fall apart again. This is one of the things I fear in life. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail, but let’s just say I worry.
Anyway, Boss (not BPP) has become a real sounding board for me (as I have for her), and I enjoy traveling with her more and more. We get each other for the most part, and we have been able to slowly forge a personal relationship in addition to the work relationship, and I’m pleased with that.
Man, what is this? You’d think by this entry that I’ve never had a clue about relationships! I guess I’m just thinking about this more than ever lately because perhaps I’m finally realizing that good relationships need tune-ups and maintenance, don’t they? I guess in the past I haven’t taken a lot of time to work on maintenance and I gave up sometimes when things weren’t running as smoothly as they should/could. And I always blamed other sources. And I rarely looked within myself. Because, hell! It couldn’t possibly be ME, could it??? NO way!!
Mmmkay. Guess what time it is now? Yep. Time to drag ass outta this warm, delicious bed and into the shower for WORK (hoo-ray).
Have a great day!!!!
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