A Return—to Normalcy? in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Finally! I’ve been back from my whirlwind Around-the-World trip for over a week now, but I think I’m finally getting back to normal just in the past couple of days. Last Thursday was the big, BIG presentation—the one that I give twice a year…the one that takes SO much time to prepare for. It went over very well, thank you!! I was extremely pleased, and so was Boss, BPP, and even my nemesis, J (boss of another department I have to work with—he’s always very hardcore with me). I got lots of compliments and kudos, and I feel like I can start to breathe again after all of that.

Still, LOTS to do at the office (like always), but I feel the need to update and get myself back on track from a personal perspective.

Sooooooo. Guess what? TFMS and I have booked our HONEYMOON!!!!

This is monumental because I was thinking that we weren’t going to even go on a honeymoon. Not without the kids, anyway. At first we both agreed that we’d take a vacation while the kids were here and staying with us. Like camping. But I think that he’d gotten some backlash from friends and colleagues when he told them that was what we were thinking. I think that everyone he mentioned it to asked him if he was CRAZY for not going on a true honeymoon with his bride—and ONLY his bride.

So there. I lucked out! We’re going on a Hawaiian cruise! And we are both terribly excited about it! I don’t know a lot about Hawaii, and to be perfectly honest, never really thought much about it. I mean, it was always a destination in the back of my mind, but never really someplace that I was dying to go (like Alaska). But, the more we talk it through and the more research we do the more excited I get!

So there. A vacation for just the two of us. I get to have the works just like a real bride! I don’t know why I don’t really feel like a “real” bride. I guess it’s just that this is his second wedding and I feel more like I’m joining his family than I am creating one.

And then there’s still the old he-doesn’t-want-any-more-kids thing. Which is futile to obsess about at this point. I am going into this with my eyes open, fully knowing that those are his wishes and I can agonize about it or I can think of other ways to fulfill my motherly instinct…or I can simply walk. My choice. I’m not stuck.

And the thing is, I’m really happy with TFMS. I truly am. He is a good companion, and I think that’s something that I sometimes lose sight of. He’s what I want in a partner…in nearly every way. And I am so lucky that we found each other.

The wedding. So much to do, but it IS moving along quite nicely! We have the dress, the flowers, the photog, the cake, the church and reception site, the band (jazz trio) and DJ.

But there IS a lot more to do: makeup and hair, invitations, Best Bud’s dress, Step-Daughter’s dress, Mom’s dress….mmm

And the prenup.

Which I don’t really feel like writing about right now. But it DOES loom over me in a pretty major way. I don’t know whether it’s smarter to marry when you’re young and naïve and hopeful or when you’re older and wiser, yet a lot more cautious. More on all that later.

Speaking of weddings, guess who keeps sending me emails now that he’s safely married? Anybody remember Super T? It’s nice to hear from him from time to time, but it IS weird that he’s newly married and kind of prodding me to write him back. Sometimes I wonder what might have been, but it’s not very fair of him to do this now. Is it because he’s off limits now so he feels out of a kind of danger zone with me? And he knows that TFMS and I are engaged. Is it the thrill of doing something sneaky? What? It bugs me that he’s become so interested now that we are both in committed relationships with other people.

Wednesday morning:

So, I’ve been trying to get an entry out for days now. I don’t feel like writing lately, but perhaps posting this might get the juices flowing.

Bluh.

Time to rush for work now (I’m late!)