I’ve been silent, yes. Because there hasn’t been a whole lot to say that you don’t already know. And wallowing in sorrow is so, so tiring and boring.
So. What’s been going on in addition to the sorrow?
I went to Napa with girlfriends instead of having a wedding. It was a surreal feeling because I did have lots of fun with the girls. We were super low-key and everyone was extremely gentle with me. And OH how I appreciated it. Here’s how I will remember the experience:
It was hard to say goodbye at the end of this trip. In fact, I had a small anxiety attack before getting on the plane to come back home. Of course, I did have to come home. Of course, it was hard.
Luckily, I was only back for one day.
Then back to New York for meetings and a business show. And a bonus of getting to hang with [CN] for a while at Suede’s Project Runway-watching (side note: I know [CN] wrote about my friend on this season’s Project Runway, but I’m not sure I have written it in my own diary…but there you go–kinda fun!). [CN] left after the show and I went to some crazy private party at a club down the street from the little divey bar, and while it is sometimes fun to watch gorgeous (and not-so gorgeous) men kiss and fondle each other, I just wasn’t into it. Plus I had an early flight in the morning.
Then on to Minnesota to meet up with Boss Party Pants (a surprisingly sober event).
I am now home. And pretty much beside myself. The grief still comes in wave after wave. It’s still so surreal. I hate this state, and it’s starting to take a toll through breakouts on my chest (normally happens when I’m stressed) and even on my face–ick! Also, my belly feels poochy. Double ick. Best Bud tells me that this sorrow is going to AGE me like nothing else…she says I will go gray and wrinkly, so now I have THAT to stress over as well.
*BIG SIGH*
This really, really blows. But you know what? Just writing this is actually easing some of the pain. I was feeling like blistering, bloody hell today, and I just read back at all of the cool things I’ve been doing….and wow.
There’s one other reason I’ve been extra, super-duper low today, and I’m not going to mess with my semi-uplifted mood to get into it right now. Let’s just say that the ghost of boyfriends past is haunting the hell out of me. And I do want to write about it later, because something happened last night that hit me like a sucker punch to the gut (on TOP of the breakup bitch slap).
The powers that be are teaching me lesson after lesson after lesson lately. Ow. Ow. OWW!!! What’s that saying that EXMS used to say? Oh yeah, “Roll with the punches.” Thanks, honey.
*GAH! I almost FORGOT!! I canceled The Honeymoon yesterday and will now be taking an adventurous tour of Costa Rica with [CN] instead! What’s that other thing that EXMS used to say? Right, “Take the good with the bad…” Thanks AGAIN, darling!
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