I’m really stressed and in a spin. I have so much work to do (work wise and personally) it’s freaking me out.
Need to start packing for Costa Rica. [CN] sent me an email yesterday asking what I’m taking, and I haven’t even written her back to tell her I DON’T KNOW! So hopefully this will suffice right now.
I’ve been assigned by my therapist to bring her photos of myself as a child for our next meeting (tomorrow). This means I will have to tackle at least some of the storage space that’s been broken into. Yes, I’ve been avoiding the massive clean-up. I have straightened it up enough to have everything back into the space, but just not back in place. So I have to do that tonight.
Meanwhile, I’ve befriended an old “crush” from high school on Facebook (yes, DEVILbook) who is going through a divorce. I started talking to him through facebook, and then on the phone.
And he’s going through quite a time (wife had an affair, they have three kids, now dad in hospital) He’s in my area fairly frequently because the hospital where his dad has been is a little over an hour away, and he keeps asking to visit me. And that’s fine, but he’s assuming he can spend the night…which is also fine I guess. I mean, it should be okay to have an old friend spend the night, right? I mean, I have the extra bed and all.
He asked two days in advance.
But I feel so pushed. So I don’t answer his texts. And then I feel guilty. And the latest is his last text in which he says he deserves an answer. And that he’s really easy-going even if he sounds pushy.
Arrgghhh! I don’t need this! Why is it so hard for me to say that it’s just not a good time? I want to keep the friendship going, but I feel like I’ll lose it if I say no. But I suppose it’s better than trying to ignore the situation, right?
Speaking of ignoring, the work situation is bugging me as well. I went back and re-read what my boss officially wrote in the mid-year, and it’s so not pretty. I know that this stuff has to be written out in order to show improvement on paper, but OUCH. Drastic changes are in order, and I’m just spinning right now.
What I’m going to do is get into the office early and work on a project that I need to finish, then write all the stuff I need to work on in list form, and then write my solutions/actions down in a list and keep up with this list to show progress. Shoulda done this a long time ago. Why did I wait until my job was in dire straights?
And I seem to have let things slip again with EXMS. We’ve been in contact. This is another source of my stress, confusion, and lack of follow-through on pretty much anything. I know this is therapy speak, but where are my boundaries and why can’t I seem to take care of myself right now?
I can’t wait for vacation, but then again I can. Because as great as it will feel to get away for several days, it stresses me out to think that I’m not facing my issues head-on and that I really, really need to.
OK. I can start with little things. Today I need to accomplish the following:
1. Finish report at work this morning
2. Tell facebook friend that I can’t see him tonight.
3. Start my solutions/actions list to be turned in to boss by end of week.
4. Go through storage space for pix to take to therapy tomorrow.
5. Start packing for CR. Even if it’s just small stuff.
I’m grateful for:
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