Monday morning: rainy and dreary. I kind of like it. Sort of.
I told you that I sent a quick one-liner email to the note-passer from church. And I went to church yesterday. Instead of sitting behind me like he normally does, he showed up late (I was early), and sat on the opposite side! It was noticeable and I was kind of uncomfortable.
Top it off, two things happened that made me tear up and quietly cry:
1. The sermon was about perfection and the “normal” progression of things (grow up perfectly, have a perfect wedding, have perfect kids, etc.) and putting expectations on yourself, which I always do.
2. The minister said a special prayer for mothers: those with children, those who desperately want to be mothers but can’t (hello), single mothers, mothers who’ve lost their children, etc.
So I was bluesy and contemplative by the end. Not really what I wanted to be. And when everyone started filing out of the church, I turned to see the note-passer looking me square in the eye. So I said hello and he said hi back…and ran! Uncomfortable all around!
And as I was leaving, I shook hands with the minister, and he said, “Hello [Ginger], you’re looking really great today! I hope everything is FINE with you!”
And I lied and said, “Yes, everything’s fantastic!”
As I was leaving, I put an anonymous prayer request in the box for myself. I just asked for positive thoughts. Because, damn! What was supposed to be uplifting was such a downer yesterday.
So anyway, the note-passer sent me an email reply yesterday afternoon. It was nice and short like mine. But I’m glad I sent the note (thanks to you guys…especially CN), and I think everything’s cool now.
I just spent about 1/2 hour relaying this story to TMG just now on the phone. He scolded me a little and tried to get me out of the dumps. It helped, a bit. He says there is something inside that’s blocking my success at this time, and I know he’s right.
It’s not about looking at the past and feeling sorry for what I haven’t accomplished. Right now, it’s allllll about outlook. And I know he’s right. I told him I needed to get off the phone and into the shower.
He sent me this text:
[Ginger], I know these types of conversations are difficult. I love you and even though I’m not the spitting example, and really I’m not preaching. I know about change and making deep seated differences. You need this now! I am here for you!
That was nice. I know it’s true. I do feel that strange sense of blockage. How to overcome? How to get rid of it and MOVE ON?? How??
In other news, I saw my mom yesterday. It was a short and sweet visit, but I’m glad I went to see her. She’s been sick and down in the dumps lately, too. And damn, she’s GRUMPY! I look at her and listen to her and pray that I don’t become that crotchety when I’m her age. Still, it’s funny because in general, she’s HAPPY! She’s sweet and kind of saucy, but she has this…I don’t know…GRUFF edge to her (that REALLY comes out when I’m around for some reason). Ah, mothers.
So I took some pix while I was at their place. I love her Brazilian Passion Flowers!!
And the cool compass along their walkway:
And all the birds mom loves to feed (this one is pretty ugly, not sure what it is, but it let me get realllllly close!):
I baked a couple of batches of cupcakes and took a dozen to her. I’m still trying to perfect the moistness in low-fat/low-cal cake recipes. I’ve heard a couple of ideas (reduce amount of all-purpose flour, add sour cream–wonder if lowfat works well? etc.), but whatever. Mom and Dad didn’t care that they weren’t perfect (like I did–damn perfectionism!). And I really enjoyed the baking part, so it was all good.
And then the drive back home. How on earth did I ever survive without my iphone and Pandora? I have no idea! But how much does that thing rock my world?? Plenty! I was rocking out with the top down and taking my sweet, sweet time getting home. It was the first Sunday in a long, long while where I wasn’t worried about Monday.
And now, I’ve done all my morning stuff and ready to enjoy the afternoon before coming back and working on the job search.
Objectives for this week:
–Get in touch with the many headhunters that friends/colleagues have referenced for me
–Go to another networking group (this time one closer to downtown–where I live–rather than the suburbs)
–scan specialized job search websites (there are a couple relating specifically to my field)
–Dinner w/Maria sometime this week (?) to talk REAL business, not gossip (she can get derailed sometimes)
–Meet w/Matt sometime this week to brainstorm
OK. Over and out for now. And hey! The sky is clearing!!
G
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