Ask Me About My Wiener! in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Re: Title of this entry: That was something that someone shouted from a top-floor window (possibly the roof of the building?) as I was driving into the parking area of my loft building the other night. It has stuck with me for a few days now. It reminded me of Tony the Tiger (aka Shirt Ripper) for some reason..hmm. I wonder what he’s been up to? We’ve texted off and on the last few months, but never get anywhere.

Anyway. Hello from the roof of my building! I’ve taken to a little routine of sorts these last few mornings. First, I wake up and make coffee. Then, I check emails, etc. quickly while eating a bowl of cereal or scramble an egg or whatever breakfast I concoct. Then I take my coffee and a workbook and sometimes my computer two floors up to the roof of the building and sit by the pool for a little while. It feels super decadent because I pretty much have the place to myself (save for the guy who cleans the pool and today there was one other person out here- who looked hungover or possibly even still drunk from last night?).

And what do I do up here in the mornings? I’ve been working on a workbook about taking some inventory in my life. It’s kinda like a daily affirmation thing and hopefully will get me excited enough to take some action. I mean, I could totally get used to not working if it weren’t for the fact that I need to pay rent and eat and wear clothes. Sheesh.

And I text with TMG a little. Sometimes he calls to tell me that I’m awesome and that great things are on the horizon for me. OR he will try to motivate me in some way (how much does that rock? My own personal coach!).

And I’ve been trying to catch up on magazines and books. Trying to dust out the cobwebs. I lost touch with myself over the last year by simply trying to keep up with my job and avoiding being alone with myself for fear of… don’t know what. Being alone? Not really, because I like my alone time. I guess just avoiding reality. Whatever.

You know I cleaned out the papers and junk that I’d thrown in my closet over the past year, right? Good lord, a year’s worth of paid bills that needed filing, magazine subscriptions that I was just too…UGH to flip through, articles I’d torn out and meaning to read, scrapbook stuff I was going to use for my wedding album, etc. etc. etc. I’m finally, FINALLY dealing with that mess. It sucks, but it’s kind of cathartic (except for the fact that I don’t have the heart to toss all that wedding stuff). It’s still not neat and perfectly clean and tied up with a big blue bow, but, yeah. It’s as much as I can deal with right now.

So I’ve been up here, sorting and reading and getting a little Vitamin D daily dose. It’s lovely, and I know it won’t last forever, but I’m sooooooo enjoying this right now. And for a little while I can say once again, I’m LUCKY!

But yeah, in the back of my mind I feel responsibility nudging and niggling away. I’m a little bummed and bothered that I didn’t get a call-back from the company in Chicago. I have a nagging feeling that the woman in charge of this newly-created area personally knows either Ex-Boss or Boss Party Pants (combined, the two of them know everyone in this business). I’m feeling a twinge of the ole Black Ball, though I’m truly hoping that’s not the case. Pleeeaaaaasssseee don’t let that be the case. I mean, what can I do if that truly IS the case?

I have this desire to do something like what I was doing in the past, but in a cooler, more upgraded way, you know? I mean, the stuff I was doing was very, very cool, but I felt quite hindered and our techniques were somewhat old-school and antiquated. That’s kind of my own fault for keeping myself down in the trenches of the old way (unfortunately, trying to keep my head above water with Ex-Boss, etc.). But there’s so much newness going on technologically, and I kind of want to get myself further up to speed. Perhaps a class or two could help? I need to research this. Must not procrastinate!

And YIKES!! I finally gained enough courage to step on the scale in the past few days. Can you say HOLY SHIT?? I’ve gained 15 lbs!! HORRORS! I mean, I knew my clothes were not fitting well, and I knew my arms and belly were not looking so taut in facebook photos that my “friends” have been tagging lately, but UHHHHH!! That’s horrible news indeed. And yes, I have been going to the gym, but not as regularly as I’ve been needing to. And yes, I have been emotionally eating for over six months. And YES!! I could say that I have excuses like losing my fiancé/marriage and then losing my JOB, but dayyyy-um, people! What are the statutes of limitations on using those excuses? I can’t use them forever, now can I?

I am madder than hell at myself because I worked sooooooo hard to fit into those skinny, skinny jeans! And I refuse…REFUSE (!!!) to buy new and bigger clothes! No way, Jose! NO WAAAAY!

So I am officially back to eating right mode (not going to say “diet” because that implies a temporary quick-fix and that always seems to land me back to square one) and regular work-out schedule, and I know that if I stick to my plan I can get back down to skinny jeans. I know it will take a little time and a lot of perseverance, but I’m done with the excuses I let myself fall back on this past year. It’s time for real and sweaty action!! YES!

And here’s something else: I let myself get really, really lax in the “pretty” department. I mean, for the last few weeks, it’s been ponytailed hair and a ban on leg-shaving. And because the clothes haven’t been working, I’ve stuck to a couple of re-runs day after day after day. And because of the ponytail, I can go for about a week between washings and then my hair kinda starts dreadlocking itself, which is kind of cool, but really, not so lovely on me.

So, the day before yesterday, I went to the gym and had a super-duper hardcore sweaty workout and then (without changing or washing up in any way) took my disgusting self to the grocery store, sweat-pits and all! And what should happen in the milk section, but some guy HITS on me!! I mean, he went through the whooooollle thing, nervously telling me how pretty he thought I was and asking if I was married, etc. and telling me that he wanted to ask me out. WTF? And he was CUTE, too!! Like tall and sandy blond, nice eyes, nice build, etc. It’s just, the weird thing was, I looked and probably smelled so ripe/rotten that I was shocked and didn’t really believe what was happening!

I actually gave the guy my email address (weird, I know), because I’m so curious as to what he might possibly say. I didn’t want to give him my phone number because I just felt too ooky and email is just easier and seems safer, especially since I can just delete. Seriously, to each his own , I guess. Never in a million years would I have imagined being hit on in that state of grossness.

OK. Need to get going. I’ve had enough of the sun, plus it’s windy up here today! And I do have a lot of stuff I need to get to this morning.

So until later, make it a great day, and I’ll do the same!