Lunch and Obsession in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I got sick of myself wasting my mid-afternoons, so I decided to take myself to lunch (+glass of wine) at a local lunch hot spot with notebook and macbook in hand. Time to organize! I have a good list to get going on now.

Was fun to see Matt’s new boyfriend here! He was working on emails, etc. and after he finished, came over to say hello. He’s does contract PR, events and other projects for certain fashionable industries (including hotels and other venues). Told me he’s working with a really cool, brand new very chic hotel, and we’re talking about putting something together jointly! Wouldn’t that be fun?! We’ll see where this goes. You never know.

Love this guy, Vinnie! He is a huge fish in this little pond, and somehow knows EVERYONE! This could be a really good thing, and I hope we can go somewhere with this event stuff. If not, it’s fun to concoct ideas anyway.

I have ants in my pants now and need to run.

Okay. I’m back at home and kind of waiting to hear back from Maria. I asked her to do something with me tonight, but it doesn’t sound like she’s up for it…? We’ll see. Oops! Just got a text. She wants to do Wednesday. Hmmm….what to do tonight??

It’s been almost 2 ½ weeks since I’ve heard from EXMS. My grief still comes in waves like the first time he left me, only they seem to be a little shorter in length. I’m still thinking about him a lot . Probably more than I should (read: occasional bouts of obsession). But I’m starting to feel like there might actually be a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to heal, whereas I don’t think I even wanted to heal before. Does that make sense?

It sucks that I can see the building where he lives from one of my windows, but thankfully I can’t see his floor and beautiful terraced apartment because I have a telescope in the loft (it was a birthday gift I gave to him and the only thing he didn’t take when he moved out…told me it was meant for a loft like this). I’m trying really hard to control my obsessions I had last time (searching for him on match.com and trying to see what he’s posted on facebook), and I’m doing much, much better.

Now my obsessions are re-reading excerpts from stupid relationship books and searching websites on how to heal my broken heart. Everything says the same thing over and over: time. And that sucks too because look at all the time I spent reopening all the old wounds, trying to close them and then opening them back up again. Ugh.

R.R. called me last night to tell me that he really enjoyed meeting me, but I was at the movies with TMG when he called and didn’t get home until after 11, so I haven’t talked to him. It would be really GREAT to have something to look forward to (as in a DATE or something like that). I don’t know what I’m thinking, but seriously I just want something that will help me MOVE ON. It’s so frustrating.

TMG is on a date tonight, but has told me that he doesn’t want to stay for long. He just sent a text asking me if I wanted to do something later. We’ll see. Is it wasting time if he sort of wants something from me and I just want a friend? He’s willing to just be my friend if he can’t be anything else, but is that really true?

Regardless, I know it’s time to adjust my focus. Like right now. I need to get some things organized. I’ll be back for my JuPoMoFo later!