I’m pondering things while I wait for Mr. Glass to come fix my windshield. I got two little chips in the windshield while driving home from the gym the other day. What a bummer on my semi-new ride.
Oh well. Ponderings:
Why am I stubborn, argumentative, and sassy? I’ve noticed this lately. This strange urge to be right, knowledgeable, or impressive. Actually, EXMS pointed this out to me on a regular basis during our time together, but I thought he was kind of being a critical ass when he’d say it. But now. Now as I meet new people and I get to know them better, I do notice that I tend to be quite headstrong.
Two examples:
(1) Working on radio show stuff with TMG. He’d get really excited and almost over-the-top with his ideas, thoughts, and suggestions. And I’d try to bring him back down to earth. I thought that I was being realistic regarding time frames and capabilities and arguing the fact that we really didn’t have the resources to put some ideas into work, but he was actually bringing his thoughts to fruition (I guess I didn’t trust that he’d actually pull through–kind of a shocker for me). I’m really impressed with what he’s pulled together. Why didn’t I trust and simply help him take that ball and run with it? Hm.
(2) My brand-spanking new relationship with K. Which is not really a relationship yet. It may never even get there, but I want to get to know him. Problem is, I am SUCH a know-it-all when I’m with him and it shows. I’ve tried to regale and impress him with story after story, and while he’s been completely receptive and laughs in the appropriate places, I can just feel that he’s sizing me up as a show-off or something. Meanwhile, he’s so much more down to earth than I’d imagined. See, he drives a super fancy car and wears beautiful clothes, and even talks a decent talk. But inside that exterior is a pretty simple guy, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I mean, I don’t think he’s very complicated at all. And I don’t think he wants a complicated girl…certainly not a complicated relationship (and I realize that’s such a premature thing to say at this juncture. Just thinking about most guys in general).
So here I am overthinking things, I guess. Really, the bottom line is: I feel like I’m coming off bitchy and controlling. And I don’t WANT to be that bitchy, controlling chick. I want to be the nice, decent person I thought I was. It’s just kind of shocking to hear this stuff come out of my mouth sometimes. How to overcome?
Something cool: I scored a phone interview! I’ve only been randomly sending out resumes. Don’t ask me why I’m not trying very hard. I guess I’m just enjoying my summer. Again, I know this will come to an end, but for now it’s really nice. SO! Imagine my surprise to hear back from a large corporation (uh-oh) who wants to have a phone interview! I’m happy about it, even though it’s not really an area that I have a lot of expertise, it is a job that I’m very familiar with. I’m not going to say too much more right now other than please wish me luck with it! BTW, the interview is not until July 8, so I have time to prepare.
Had a nice dinner on Monday night with a design director I used to work with. He had NO idea what had happened at work (the firing), and wanted to hear all about it. It was great to talk with him. He is such a handsome and sweet guy, and I tend to gush a little around him. Anyway, hoping that I can get some connections and advice from him in the future. I drank bubbly, and our dinner was insanely expensive and he paid (even though the dinner and the location were both at my suggestion). Such a nice guy!
Design director mentioned above was also the fourth person I’ve spoken to who told me I should go into consulting. I’m really starting to think about it. Everywhere I go, the consulting thought seems to smack me in the face. My dad even says it’s the right time to do it: I’m not a newby in the business and have some credibility behind me; I’m not TOO old and don’t look like I have a foot in retirement; I’m halfway decent looking and that can’t hurt.
Must get preparations done for 4th of July party! Going to be verrrrry interesting as the crowd will be varied and it could get slightly uncomfortable. Why did I do this? TMG, Tony the Tiger (aka Shirt-Ripper), and Greg will be here. My parents are coming! Cindy’s friends and her brothers and their friends. I thought about asking K., and even mentioned the party, but I know better. I don’t want to risk weirdness with him. Should be interesting. Must start scrubbing!
Yesterday I foolishly opened up some picture files on my computer and seeing EXMS brought a gush of emotion. Yet, I don’t want to erase those photos. Yes, they are my past, but they are a part of what makes me, ME. Is it wrong to want to remember that day that we went and tasted wedding cakes? Or that day on the cruise when we gorged on sushi and laughed until we cried? Or simple things like going to the Farmer’s Market? Do I have to give up those memories in order to heal? Because they rip my heart to shreds, yet I am so happy to have those experiences.
Just thinking.
Where is Mr. Glass???
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