…to still dream about a wedding??
I still have my wedding dress in the front coat closet. It doesn’t look like this, but I saw this in July’s InStyle magazine, and I love it. *sigh*
****REALLY BIG SIGH*****
I’m procrastinating. I’m supposed to be working on this project for my interview next week, and it’s taking a really long time (as all my projects do). It will suck if I put alllllll this energy and effort into it and I don’t get an offer. But yes, I will definitely have more ammo for my portfolio.
Last night I went to my parents’ and spent the night. I wanted to get there earlier, like late afternoon. But I did a bunch of research yesterday morning/afternoon and went home and packed my overnight bag, and as I turned on my car to drive to their place (60 miles away), I noticed a light flashing on the instrument panel. Had NO idea what the hell it meant, so I looked it up in the book. Flat tire.
Long story, three hours, a visit to the dealership, and one resetting of the air pressure (not a flat, but too much air?? Would you believe it was because of the HEAT all up in this damn town?), and I was on my way to Mom and Dad’s. Late and a bit stressed, but I made it OK.
Had a nice dinner. Good conversation. One glass of wine, and I was falling asleep in the big chair.
Today I had an informational interview with the company that I’m interviewing with next week (they are a very large retailer with stores all over the country, and my dad just happened to speak with the head of HR at the store in their town…gotta love dads, don’t you?). It was actually very helpful and I’m glad I went. Plus, it was really nice to hang with the folks last night and this morning.
I’m so curious to find out how this all goes down. Life is so interesting when you’re at a crossroads, isn’t it?
I’ve spoken with K. a few times since we saw each other last (Sunday night), but truth be told, I don’t like to text with him and I don’t really like talking on the phone with him either. Can I be frank? He is completely BORING on the phone and kind of a dingbat on text, and UGGGHHH!
But face-to-face? Chemistry. Pure and simple. I like him. I still want him to take me. But I’m so not up to telling him so (even though I’ve hinted pretty strongly). I want him to sense this from me. I have done it a couple of ways: I’ve been a bit shy and flirty but held back a little, AND I’ve been fairly tipsy and aggressive. What more can I do without TELLING him? How can this guy NOT get a hint?
I’m frustrated with him.
And TMG? I’m frustrated with him too. We’ve had it out over our dumb fight (previous entry), and I’m not mad anymore. Just peeved.
And then, there’s a residual internet guy. We’ve emailed and spoken on the phone, and he practically thinks he’s my boyfriend now (after ONE phone conversation!). I haven’t even met him yet, so I suppose there’s one more RAD that will happen, possibly next weekend. Sure, we had a fantastic conversation. I really liked the things he said. And his pictures are decent. But he’s already calling me “Sweetie” and sappy gook, and I’m thinking, really???
I’m fed up with everything!!
And I miss him. I utterly and truly miss him to my core. The longer we don’t speak, the more I ache. But I suppose it’s like a scab that itches as it heals, right? Please tell me that is the case. That scab will soon fall off and I’ll just be left with an ugly scar, right?
I know this sounds so stuuuuupid. I’m sorry to keep harping and whining and complaining. I just feel like I’ve worked so hard on my life, my career, and my love-ability (is that a word?). And here I am, 41. Jobless. Marriageless. Childless.
And I’m working on it allllllll over again. Is life simply a series of doing it over and trying again? I guess so.
But then there’s this quote, and I don’t know who said it: “If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.”
So I guess I need to do some things differently, eh?
What’s my new plan of attack?
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