I got nothing accomplished yesterday, and today I’m completely frustrated.
I spent too large a chunk of yesterday thinking about K. and what that’s all about. I don’t take sex lightly, and in the past, if I’d had as much contact and booty as K. and I have already had, I’d be pretty squarely IN a relationship.
Yet, this thing leaves me a bit baffled. He’s very hot and cold, and I guess I kind of follow that lead. I (mostly) wait for contact from him and have waited for him to initiate everything.
He’s not as aggressive as I’d like, and I’ve even told him so in the recent past. I don’t want to ask him out on a date. I don’t want to initiate sex (well, not at this stage in the game). I don’t want to make the phone calls–or really any of the calls for that matter. I want a man who will step up to the plate and let me know that he WANTS me. And occasionally, I’ll get that from him, but then he seems to back waaaaaay off, and I’m left scratching my head for days.
And it forces me to say, eff that.
I think the next time we see each other in person (IF we even ever do see each other in person), I’m going to tell him this again, and if it STILL doesn’t sink in, I’m going to have to cut bait. I don’t have patience for this. I’m no longer the goodtime girl who will wait to see where things go. Nor am I one to aggressively chase a man (and it’s quite possible that he’s used to that or that he likes that shit…in fact, now that I think about it, he’s alluded to the fact that it’s happened in his past–aggressive women staking claim. Do men really like that? Hmmmm).
The weekend is here and I have zero plans.
And I agree, obsessing over a gigantic CLOCK (heh, I re-read my entry from yesterday and had the same reaction myself!) isn’t going to do me a ton of good, but the fact is, it’s still there tick-tocking away. I don’t want it to impede or force my hand, but I simply can’t ignore it.
Bottom line is, I am ready for next steps, be they with K., someone else, or even just more work on myself.
Newsflash: JUST got off the phone with another potential employer. One that I’m not too excited about, but the interview seemed to go well. The woman I spoke with wants to take my resume to her boss, and see seemed very impressed with me, so that’s a good thing (perhaps the one good thing that’s come out of this week!).
I’m still trying to come up with business plans/opportunities/a name! So much to be done on that front, and I think I need to just start ticking things off my list. It’s almost overwhelming because I’ve never done anything like this before, but I need to start somewhere.
So, lots to do in that respect. I suppose it’s good I don’t have any crazy plans for this weekend. Maybe I can concentrate on WORK for a change.
Random thought: I miss TMG. Not the nastiness. I miss our friendship and how we would just pick up and do things together. I miss how I could tell him anything (little did I know he’d use it against me later). I miss how comfortable I was with him. Guess he was brought into my life for a reason (he really did help me a lot when I was in the depths of despair, and he told me I did the same for him), and I guess that our friendship simply ran its course.
*sigh*
Loading comments...