Bleary Thoughts in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Can’t sleep.

I’ve just spent what seems like a bajillion hours on Freakbook. I don’t know what I’m looking for. Clarity? Interesting tidbits of people’s lives? What?

I didn’t find clarity, but I found a bunch of stuff, kind of like a garage sale, I guess. People just putting it allllll out there. I’m no different. I’ve recently become a big fan of mobile posting. In fact, I’m probably worse because I post all of this drivel here where a select group of Facecrack friends can see my insides as well as what I’m drinking for dinner. Oy.

The Good News is:

I’m no longer crying over EXMS. I think I finally see the light. You know I was hanging on and hanging on. I clung to that memory, and yet, I kept finding alllllll of this shit out about him. But I had a defining moment on Thursday. I’m not even going to write about it here because I can just feel the rolling eyes and the big sighs and the…whatevers.

Let’s just say that something happened that has dried my tears–hopefully for good. He has finally shown me that he’s nothing but a jackass. Really, he has NO feeling (at least not for me), so why should I (for him)? And it has finally sunk into my thick, naive skull. He’s not going to change. Nope. Never. And while I still think it’s a sad situation, I have spent my time on this. I feel a melancholic relief.

Enough.

Did some vintage store shopping with Cindy today. Was fun. Good to see her, as I haven’t seen her since she’s been back from a business trip in Europe.

We went to a new vintage place that’s owned by a woman I found online. She has organized several events that I’m interested in, so I was happy to be able to meet her. What a bundle of energy! She asked me to call her next week because I told her that I was starting my business, and she was allllllll about hearing what I’m doing and seemed happy to give me some ideas. PLUS, I found out that she’s connected to some other avenues that I’m interested in pursuing…

Then we went to an older, less high-end vintage store that is chock FULL of junky (and not so junky) treasures! I always love going there because I find so much great stuff there. There’s a whole section of re-worked chain jewelry. I drooled over this amazing charm bracelet made out of dog tags. I wish I had a disposable income.

But the most interesting “find” during this trip was the psychic! We discovered this woman who’s there on Saturdays who gives psychic readings. Not behind closed doors, mind you. She sits in the back of the store at a table by the makeshift dressing rooms and gives readings within earshot of everyone. I was fascinated!

While Cindy and I perused the racks of fantastic frocks (Mad Men!) we could hear a girl getting a reading. The psychic moved this sweet thing to tears. I couldn’t stop eavesdropping, and neither could Cindy, and we found ourselves trying on ill-fitting clothes in the dressing rooms so that we could hear more. It went on and on and on…

Cindy found some tchotchke to buy and as we were leaving, the super-cute owner told us to come back again for a reading. She said they were $15. I am soooooooo going back for a $15 reading! That psychic rocked! I mean, whether or not you believe in that stuff, her advice to the crying girl was very wise, straightforward and comforting.

After vintage stores, Cindy and I went to find a cocktail so we could chat/bitch. I adore Cindy, but she has this (now) annoying way of bringing up my old boss–the one who fired me. I get it. It used to really boost my ego to hear all of this shit about my old boss and how horrible she’s become and how impossible she is to work with. But bottom line, it’s keeping me mired in negative thought. Every time Cindy and I talk about work I end up thinking about things that went wrong and how I struggled at the end and allllll of those feelings flood back. Instead of taking comfort, I now feel my stress level rising.

I need to completely move on from the past. It’s life, and life keeps moving ahead, whether I stay stuck in the past or not. I’m obviously missing out when I continue to loop things in my brain: EXMS, my old job, my big booty, etc.

So.

Seriously, move on! And keep moving!

I have a few thoughts for forward motion rolling around in the ol’ crainium: